This is not a test. This is real life.
I don’t think ANY of us were adequately prepared for Justin Bieber to become the new face of Calvin Klein, let alone to step into Mark Wahlberg’s iconic white briefs. But, it has happened. This is the aftermath.
Now here we are, mere commoners, trying to process our complicated emotions and thoughts while looking at the new CK ads — let’s be honest, we’ve all looked at them. While I stare at Bieber’s unfathomably tattooed and (possibly Photoshopped) chiseled bod there is a tornado of thoughts spinning through my head.
1. First off, I need to learn my Roman numerals.
2. Don’t tell my ninth grade Latin teacher I’ve forgotten them.
3. Because I think that’s a 20, plus five, plus seven, plus upside down triangle?
4. Is that a court jester on his arm? Above what appears to be a pineapple? Is there a Bieber tattoo expert who can clarify what exactly is happening?
5. Pretty sure there’s also a dragon. And a flower. And an owl. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN.
6. I’m one of those people who always asks other people what their tattoos mean, and I need to know what all of these mean/symbolize/represent/etc. Bieber, we need to talk.
7. Do you think he’s trying to one-up Ed Sheeran and his epic sleeve?
8. I love you Justin, but I also feel weird.
9. I miss Marky Mark.
10. Oh wait we’re not allowed to call him that anymore.
11. I miss Mr. Mark Wahlberg.
12. Speaking of Mr Wahlberg, The Gambler looks pretty good, no?
13. Speaking of Mr. Wahlberg again, how excited are we for that Entourage movie?
14. Do you think Justin Bieber likes Entourage?
15. We’re all in agreement that Bieber would be Johnny Drama, right?
16. Serious question, do you think Selena has seen this?
17. She’s a strong, powerful lady. But seriously do you think she’s Googled this? Do you think she immediately texted Taylor Swift?
18. Remember when Taylor made a face after Selena and Bieber kissed? That was pretty funny.
19. In case you forgot it, it was this:
20. I’m glad Taylor and Selena are friends again.
21. But really, are those teensy briefs actually comfortable?
22. What about boxers? Now THOSE are comfortable.
23. I think he’s counting his abs.
24. Don’t worry, Justin, they’re all still there. There are six of them.
25. In the picture with Lara Stone, doesn’t it kinda look like they’re playing that game where someone puts their hands behind their back, and then a second person pretends to be the first’s hands? You know, that one we all played at camp?
26. What was the craft service situation for this shoot? Did JB and LS eat a seasonal fruit selection in robes and discuss sexy-pose strategy?
27. Maybe I need a few more days to fully process this.
Image via and here and here.