Raccoons are already rocking 2016, guys. We’re not kidding. Their social media game is on point in a major way. By January 2, Donut Raccoon had already taken up where Pizza Rat left off, sneaking into a donut shop (through the ceiling like a total badass) to steal an orange-flavored donut and stealing the hearts of the entire Internet in the process.
I hate to point out the obvious, but the virtual domination of raccoons shouldn’t come as a surprise. Raccoons have been killing it with their hilarious antics for a long time now, and we’ve got the evidence to prove it. Without further ado, we present a wonderful collection of important and hilarious moments in raccoon history:
The time Pumpkin the raccoon was better at being a dog than all the actual dogs in the world
Last October, we introduced you to Pumpkin, a rescue raccoon from the Bahamas. (Side note: the fact that this raccoon is living in the Bahamas already means she’s totally winning at life.) Pumpkin fell out of a tree when she was a baby and ended up being bottle-fed by humans. By the time she grew up, she’d already grown accustomed to living indoors. Plus, she’d totally bonded with the family dogs. Like, REALLY bonded.
So now she’s totally a house dog, a job at which she excels.
The time raccoons discovered bubble wrap
That’s right. They know all about bubble wrap. And guess what? They’re way better at popping it than you are. That’s because they use their cute little paws AND THEIR FACES to pop the bubbles. They’re all in. They basically make us humans look like amateurs. You only thought you knew how to pop bubble wrap until you saw this, amirite?
The time Melanie the raccoon gave us ALL the #Transportati0nGoals
The time Rocksy the raccoon used a rock to train a human to give her snacks
We’re still cracking up over this one. Rocksy the raccoon uses a rock to knock on the sliding glass door of a super nice lady named Zoosie whenever she wants a snack. Because she’s an animal lover (and apparently the kindest and most patient person on planet earth), Zoosie comes running whenever she hears Rocksy knock. According to Zoosie, Rocksy will knock for hours until she gets fed. HOURS, you guys.
Rocksy knows how to get stuff done. We’re thinking she might be a good addition to the presidential ticket. Just saying.
The time a raccoon went surfing on an alligator
We shouldn’t have to explain why this is awesome. I mean, it’s so obvious.
The time Buster the raccoon refused to get out of bed because it was cold outside
We love this raccoon. First of all, his nickname is Butter Brownie (because he’s so sweet) and that totally melts our hearts. Also, he likes to sleep in. Especially when it’s cold outside. We feel you, Buster. We’re pretty much ready to hibernate alongside you until summer.
The time a raccoon treated himself to a slice in Central Park Nothing to see here. Just a raccoon up a tree in the biggest city in the U.S., eating a slice of pizza in broad daylight.
Keep up the good work, raccoons. We can’t wait to see what else you’ve got planned for 2016.
(Image via Shutterstock.)