Sammy Nickalls
May 14, 2015 11:59 am

Do you exercise over two hours a day? Are you a bicycle commuter? Do you have less than one tattoo and wear makeup more than twice per week? If you answered “no” to any of those questions, sorry. . . you’re not cut out to live at Silicon Valley’s “Startup Castle.”

But let’s back up. What is this castle with insane living requirements? Fusion broke the news about the Startup Castle—a gorg mansion-esque building inhabited by Stanford techies and researchers and one of the largest homes in Silicon Valley. At 17,000 square feet, the place has everything, including a “generosity kitchen” stocked with all the food you would need, as well as “huge spaces for living, working, and entertaining.” It even includes “a ballroom, 100-seat theater, bar and lounge for entertaining, full gym with professional equipment, co-working offices, and conference rooms,” according to the site.

But that’s not all! According to their listing on SUpost, the inhabitants (mansion mates? Has a nice ring to it!) are “hoping to do things as a group like fitness challenges, group dinners, bike rides, challenge outings, hosting events, and working on building things together.”

But wait, what is the purpose of this? Apparently, according to the site, it’s “everything you need to live and launch your greatest ambitions.” As if you absolute 100% need all of these fancy things to succeed. . .

Anyway, want to live in this Stanford palace? You can!. . . just as long as you are willing to pay $1750 a month and follow a bizarrely strict set of guidelines the inhabitants posted on SUpost:

Hey, we can definitely check off the last one. But even if all of these apply to you, you’re not in the clear yet. The Startup Castle isn’t right for you if:

Um, OK, we think we’ll stick with our apartment, even sans-ballroom, thanks.

(Image via)