Almie Rose
March 10, 2014 3:00 pm

Perfumes and candles have come a long way since lilac and vanilla bean. Here are 10 crazy scents you’ll obsess over. Some are good, some are bad, some are truly WTF.

10. Scent of money candle

A candle Patrick Bateman and Donald Trump could love: make your home smell like burning money. It’s the American way! $7.99, Stinky Candle Company.

9. Bacon air freshener spray

You knew something bacon was going to make the list. Bacon-up the air with this bacon air freshener. $7.99, Stupid.com.

8. Vineyard scented candle

This candle smells like a vineyard and burns for 110 to 150 hours. So you can feel like a classy drunk for hours on end. $27.99, YankeeCandle.com.

7. Perfume that smells like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland

Avast, ye scent seeking landlubbers, I’ve found the ‘fume ye be searching for, if ye want to smell like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride from Disneyland! Who wouldn’t, aye? Though not intended to smell like the popular ride, the Internet (yes, the entire Internet) came to the consensus that this fragrance smells exactly like the enchanted, musty water ride. It’s Messe de Minuit, a unisex fragrance by Etro, that has a “woody Aromatic fragrance”. People have described the scent as “a wet abandoned building” or a “Catholic church” making it the perfect substitute for all your Piratey fragrance needs. Alas, mateys, it be one hundred and fifty bones, The Perfume Shoppe.

6.  Play-Doh Perfume

Now why would you want to smell like Pay-Doh? Hey, I don’t know, I don’t know you or your life. But you can. Because this is America. And only America would produce this cologne spray that brings you a whiff of preschool. Play-Doh Cologne spray, $6-$39.50., Demeter. 

5. Smells Like Chicken candle

Getting grossed out yet? If not, this should do the trick. The ole “Smells Like Chicken” candle from who else? The Stinky Candle Company. Believe it or not, as I’m writing this, it’s out of stock. But try your luck and see if you can pick up this poultry scented nightmare for $6.80, Stinky Candle Co..

4. Gin & Tonic perfume

This one is so bizarre because why would you want to smell intoxicated? And yet, on certain people, it smells really good. On me, I smell like a drunkard, but on my friend Kelly, it smells delightfully…je ne sais quoi. Gin & Tonic Cologne Spray, $6-$39.50, Demeter.

3. White Castle burger scented candle

One whiff of this and you’ll crave White Castle harder than Neil Patrick Harris. Price reduced to $5.00 from Perpetual Kid. Really? Price reduced? On a burger-scented candle? No way. I cannot believe it.

2. Pizza perfume

Sticking with the fast food theme, I bring you, pizza scented perfume (or “cologne spray” as they call it). Why would you want to smell like pizza? I don’t know, lots of reasons. Like maybe you’re trying to seduce the pizza guy. Or maybe you’ve always wanted to be a slice of pizza and this is your only shot of achieving your dream. Or maybe you’re just drunk. Pizza cologny spray, $6-39.50, Demeter.

1. Gasoline Candle

Yes. Yes, this is exactly what you think this is. You light this candle, and your place smells like freshly spilled gasoline. Some people really enjoy the scent of gasoline. Some people love the smell of Napalm in the morning. Hey, I don’t judge. Would I light up a gasoline-scented candle in my room? Nope. Am I intrigued as hell to smell it? You bet your sweet bippy I am. Also this gives you a much safer environment for having those Orange Mocha Frappuccino fights. Gasoline Candle, $6.80, The Stinky Candle Co..

Of all of these, which ones are you most likely to use and/or buy? Which crazy scent do you seek?

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