This post was written by Lindsey Robertson on The Dodo.

1. “11:22 AM — the Human still does not notice that I am observing closely. The Human also has treats that smell amazing.”

2. “No, not a cat. Just a talking bath mat. Move along.”

3. “The Human seems to think he can see me, but that is obviously impossible.”

4. “The information I have gathered from my extensive, sneaky surveillance reveals that you have spent the entire day on your laptop.”

5. “Maximizing height proves optimal for Operation: Human Watch.”

6. “Oh, um. Hi. I was trying to be sneaky and, um … I got stuck.”

7. “I am the embodiment of stealth.”

8. “Pay no attention to that dog behind the curtain!”

9. “Well, if I’m being totally honest, I just wanted to see if I could peek at you from underneath the couch. Spoiler alert: I can.”

10. “Oh, ya know, I was just making the nightly rounds and I decided to check on you.”

11. “Gosh, I really should be a secret agent. I blend in like a chameleon.”