Jill Layton/HelloGiggles
Jill Layton
October 25, 2016 5:27 pm

Hi everyone! As you may know, I’m pregnant. But until recently, I haven’t been able to tell anyone. AND IT’S THE HARDEST THING I’VE EVER DONE. Not only have I desperately wanted to share my excitement with the world for the past three months (more specifically, my friends and family), but I’ve also really wanted them to know how miserable I’ve been. Because you guys, it’s been miserable.

The first trimester is nothing like I thought it would be, and if you’ve ever been pregnant, you probably get it. I’ve dreamed of being pregnant since I was a little girl and probably didn’t even know how babies were made. I’ve thought about what it’ll feel like, what I’ll look like, and of course the end result (AKA, the baby). But precisely the minute I found out I was pregnant, I realized I most definitely have absolutely no idea what I’ve gotten myself into when it comes to actually being pregnant.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m thrilled. My wife and I have been trying to have a baby for over a year now, but that doesn’t make my stomach any more capable of holding food down or my bladder capable of not needing to release itself five times a night.

I wrote about our fertility journey a few weeks ago, and may have fibbed about the timing of things to pretend I wasn’t pregnant which is EXACTLY MY POINT. The first trimester is hard and involves so much pretending.

Of course every pregnancy is different, so it’s very possible that your pregnancy was smooth sailing. In which case, I’m so happy for you but also hate you. Pregnancy is certainly a beautiful, scientific, miraculous thing, but it can also be torture. Now that I’ve come out the other side (AKA, I just started my second trimester), I can look back at the first and offer warnings. Serious warnings for my fellow ladies AND their partners who get to suffer right along with them.

1. Pregnancy can be secret, and that’s SO hard.

The rule of thumb is to not to tell anyone the exciting news until the beginning of the second trimester, because most miscarriages occur within the first three months of a pregnancy. But like, that’s so hard. I ignored calls from most of my friends for an entire two months so I wouldn’t have to straight up lie to them.

2. You feel like absolute hell.

Around 70% of pregnant women are blessed with morning sickness. I’m one of those lucky women who suffered through every meal, every scent and pretty much every breath I took. Nausea is real, you guys. And so is exhaustion. Growing a human person inside you is tiring.

3. Laziness overcomes you.

Reddit/ giphy.com

In my mind, I took my dog for a walk every day, went to the gym, made a healthy lunch, cleaned the house and worked. In reality, I laid on the couch, my wife brought me food and my dog judged me for it.

4. Food is your enemy and best friend.

I’m constantly hungry, but I hate food. I mean, I LOVE food, but during the first few months, it was the devil. But it was also the only thing that gave my stomach solace for a few minutes. Life is hard.

5. The nausea.

Everything made me nauseous: eating food, thinking about food, things that smell, the kitchen, pregnancy apps, talking about nausea, talking, brushing my teeth, not brushing my teeth, not laying down, anytime anyone mentioned the word “baby,” Game of Thrones (yeah, that one’s confusing for me too) and pretty much everything else. It felt like having a never-ending stomach flu (and TBH, I’m still nauseous).

6. Your feelings are conflicting.

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I want the nausea, dizziness, sore boobs and exhaustion to go away, but I also want to have a healthy baby. All of those symptoms usually mean things are progressing, which is so great, but also ugh.

7. You can’t plan anything.

Can I meet for lunch next Wednesday? Depends on if I’m feeling super gaggy at that exact moment. Can we go camping next month with a bunch of friends? Do bears eat pregnant women peeing in the woods in the middle of the night?

8. Leaky eyeballs.

Harpo Studios/ giphy.com

With or without warning, it’s a cry fest. Whenever a certain Huggies commercial comes on TV with that sad music and those adorable huggably soft diapers, forget it.

9. Your dreams are cray.

Hanna-Barbera/ giphy.com

Like, I didn’t even know my brain could come up with some of the stuff I’ve been dreaming.

10. Your partner suffers too.

Burgerlords/ giphy.com

My wife dealt/still deals with the brunt of my emotions, moodiness, desperate need for food at all times of the day and my inability to get out of bed in the morning without eating breakfast first. I may be the one carrying our child, but she’s carrying the weight of everything else.

11. You’ll Google everything.

 

Universal Pictures / giphy.com

 Literally every little ache, every cramp, every fart — all of it. I dropped a can of club soda on my toe and Googled “pregnant women drop can club soda on toe is baby ok.”

12. You’ll take “belly pump” pics, but there’s no bump yet.

New Line Cinema / giphy.com
Once a week (or however often), you’ll awkwardly lift up your shirt so your partner can capture your growing belly. Except, it’s not growing. It’s literally just your regular-looking belly that looks like maybe you ate too many pieces of pizza yesterday.

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