Debbie Holloway
April 13, 2016 12:01 pm
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One of the greatest aspects of the Harry Potter world is…well, it feels like a totally different world! Wizards have their own unique communities, jobs, hobbies, and schools quite separate from our boring Muggle way of life. In fact, most Wizards we meet in the novels would stick out like sore thumbs if they turned up in a mall or a grocery store. Which got me wondering, what would these masters of magic actually do for a living in the non-magical world? What kinds of jobs would they hold if they were Muggles? Let’s discuss:

Arthur Weasley: Anthropologist
Trademarks: Insatiable curiosity, friendliness, excellent skills in observation

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Of all the Wizards we meet, Arthur is the most fascinated by Muggles. He loves their inventions, their clothes, their habits. Anthropology is literally “the study of humankind.” This seems like a no-brainer! Can’t you just imagine an adorable Muggle version of Arthur, traveling to study and appreciate different cultures all over the world? The books he would write!

Victor Krum: Professional Football or Soccer Player
Trademarks: Competitive, physical skills way beyond his years, probably raised by ambitious parents

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The FIFA World Cup is the biggest sporting event in the world — definitely the equivalent of the Quidditch World Cup. I’m not sure how drafting and recruiting players works for soccer teams around the world, but I know Krum would play in the World Cup. I also know that if Krum grew up in the U.S. he’d likely play football not soccer, and he’d excel at that too. He would def be a Heisman Trophy Winner in college and be a top pick in the NFL Draft, no questions asked! Krum definitely has a soft side, and he longs for friendship just like other kids his age, but his talent ensures that he will never escape the spotlight.

Dolores Umbridge: Sadistic Dentist
Trademarks: Uncomfortable decor, unblinking stare, veneer of politeness

Think about it. She has special instruments of torture on hand. Plenty of official credentials. She makes you sit in her office for hours. In pain. Presumably for your own good. I’m just saying.

Albus Dumbledore: Candy Factory Owner
Trademarks: Sweet tooth, whimsy, ambition

Ok so, let me be real up front: when I say “candy factory owner,” I basically mean “Willy Wonka.” There are so many parallels. He’s reclusive and enigmatic, often speaking in jibberish or riddles. He’s eccentric, but still kind, and has a soft spot for kids. That being said, he does tend to put kids in a lot of danger for his own purposes…but you have to give it to him, he’s pretty good at what he does. Does Willy Wonka count as a Muggle? Probably not. But whatever. It’s too perfect.

Snape: Classified Government Agent
Trademarks: Sense of superiority, masterful secret-keeping, tragic backstory

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The Muggle equivalent of a Potions Master would probably be something like a pharmacist, but we all know Snape requires a calling with much more flair, mystery, and grandeur. Thus, I argue that he would be the perfect man to have one of those secret government jobs that we all know exist, but we aren’t sure what they do. Perhaps a close aid to a president or prime minister. Maybe, a spy or secret agent of some kind. Something that lets him have a taste of the darkness he so craves, but noble enough to redeem the scars on his soul.

Remus Lupin: A Teacher (still)
Trademarks: Patience, keen interest in the welfare of others, love for children

In no world, Muggle or otherwise, would Professor Lupin NOT be a teacher. He has such a heart for kids. He loves learning and helping others to learn. He listens to, and truly respects, his students — even the shy and troublesome ones. Plus he knows just when it’s time to just chill and eat some chocolate. Lupin might have been the best teacher Harry and the others ever had, and we would want the same for Muggle children everywhere.

What do you think? What other members of the Hogwarts staff or the Order of the Phoenix could you see shouldering employment in the Muggle world?

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