Have you ever taken the fall for a friend? Told a lie to protect someone in a tight spot? If you are a compulsive liar, you probably make false confessions on the daily. Or maybe you are trying to sound cool and tough to a new coworker, and in trying to impress her, you say that you once robbed a bank and gave the spoils to the poor. Really? Okay, Robin Hood, not sure if she’s buying it, but good luck with that.
Interestingly enough, approximately one in four innocent defendants in DNA exoneration cases deliver incriminating statements, give outright confessions or plead guilty. There are many reasons that false confessions may occur in such circumstances, but unfortunately the most common reason is intense pressure from the prosecutor. This is sad not only because someone is going to receive punishment for this crime, but also because the real criminal is escaping justice.
I know I just took us to a kind of depressing place, so let’s bring it back in. Confessing to something that isn’t true can be a funny joke. For example, I have never seen Star Wars. WHAT!?! What is wrong with you!?! Just kidding, of course I have seen Star Wars. What kind of horrible person do you think I am?
How to Celebrate
Play the game “Three Lies and a Truth”. You can play this game over lunch with coworkers, at a coffee shop with your BFFs, or even on Facebook as a wall post. It’s simple: Make four statements, three of them being false and one being true. The other people playing the game listen to your “confessions” and must pick out which one is for real.
As an example, I will give the following four “confessions” and you do the guessing! 1. Last month, I kept a “souvenir” towel from the Marriott in Anaheim. 2. I once called in sick to work, but really I just wanted to finish binge watching the new season of Breaking Bad on Netflix. 3. When I was little, I told my mom I had a stomach ache just so I could score a few Tums. 4. I love the smell of gasoline.
False confessions can get you into trouble if you’re not careful, so while celebrating this silly holiday, please censor your confessions. During my research, I found this list of things not to confess to:
Don’t falsely confess to a crime. Saying you held up the Apple Store and stole a bunch of new iPhones might give your friends a good laugh, but it’s not so funny to that one paranoid coworker that has always had a bad feeling about you and overheard your “confession”.
Don’t falsely report someone lost, killed or injured. This isn’t funny. To anyone. Ever.
Don’t falsely confess a relationship or love affair. When you start involving others in your false confessions, you run the risk of hurting feelings and starting some real rumors.
Real talk. Let’s not go crazy here! There are plenty of silly, lighthearted false confessions to make without causing panic or creating dangerous situations.
Quote of the Day
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” – George Washington
Featured image via ShutterStock