Rachel Paige
June 28, 2015 11:46 am

Last week, Mickey Mouse put his big yellow shoe down, and decided that selfie sticks will no longer be allowed in California’s Disneyland, or Florida’s Walt Disney World. This new policy change goes into effect on Wednesday, July 1st, so if you’re visiting the parks right now, or will be there within the next two days, be sure to get all that selfie stick action out of your system now. Come Wednesday, it’ll all be gone, in the same way that Disney likes to lock up our childhood classes in their Disney Vault. You won’t have access to them anymore.

Here’s the thing, though. This is actually a great ruling. As someone who has visited both Disneyland and Disney World more times than they can count, I am fully behind this. Sure, it might be hard to get that great artistic shot just the way you want it in front of the Castle, but lately selfie sticks have been causing more aggravation for Disney than expected. It all comes down to safety issues, and pulling a selfie stick out on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad is just a no-go.

That’s not the only reason I’m happy to see selfie sticks go.

1. Because it really is a safety issue. Do you want to be in the car behind someone who’s just whipped out their selfie stick on California Screamin’?

2. Or do you want to be in the car behind someone who’s just whipped out their selfie stick and then drops their selfie stick? An object in motion will stay in motion —  ’til it hits you in the face on Splash Mountain.

3. You’ll no longer live in fear that a selfie stick will fall from the air, and onto your head, from a passenger on the Tomorrowland People Mover in Tomorrowland.

4. There’s no longer any chance you’ll drop the selfie stick overboard on Jungle Cruise, and have to awkwardly ask a Jungle Cruise Skipper to fish it out for you.

5. The Jungle Cruise Skipper probably won’t fish it out for you. Have you looked at that murky water lately?

6. Watching the fireworks will no longer happen through a sea of smart phones in the air.

7. A small child will no longer cry because your iPhone 6 Plus is blocking their view.

8. Besides, parades are meant to be seen with your eyes, not your iPhones.

9. They’ll never be a time where you have to decide whether to put down your selfie stick, or put down your Dole Whip, to get something out of your pocket.

10. Cast Members will no longer secretly make fun of you for holding a selfie stick high above your head.

11. Without selfie sticks, the nice Photopass Photographers will feel like they’ve got a purpose again! They can take your picture! That’s why they’re there! Their entire role is to take your picture. And selfie sticks are taking over that role. This is like, the machine winning.

12. The idea that you might drop your selfie stick into the Rivers of America in Frontierland will be gone.

13. Fear of dropping your selfie stick into any body of water will suddenly be gone.

14. Because, dropping selfie stick, with your phone attached to it = dropping your phone into the water.

15. OK, even without a body of water, your selfie stick (and phone) is getting soaked on Grizzly River Rapids.

16. No more risk of hitting a small child when you try and fit your selfie stick into your backpack.

17. Your selfie stick will no longer be taken by a rogue character (like, Stitch) who just wants to have some fun with it, and suddenly is running away with it (Stitch likes to run, you guys).

18. A giraffe on Kilimanjaro Safaris in Animal Kingdom will never be tempted to snatch your selfie stick out of your hands next time it sticks its head into a Safari vehicle. Giraffes like shiny things. Remember that.

19. You’ll never find yourself trying to describe how to use the selfie stick to a cast member in Liberty Square, Magic Kingdom who is sticking to the theme of their land SO MUCH, they think it’s 1776, and is like, “what is that newfangled contraception? ”

20. Same goes for Frontierland, or New Orleans Square.

21. Just plain explaining to a cast member who might not understand what is happening, and is like, “back in my day, we took normal pictures without trying to cram in 25 of our closest friends, and also we’re jumping in the air, and also trying to time it so there are fireworks going off behind us.”

22. If you put your selfie stick down, and all selfie sticks look the same, how do you KNOW you’re picking YOURS up again?

23. Guest Relations cast members will have no chill if you lose your selfie stick, and then go down to them and say you lost your “black selfie stick.” 99% of all selfie sticks are black.

24. There’s no longer a risk that your selfie stick is going to get run over by a trolley coming right down the middle of Main Street, U.S.A.

25. The princesses are probably judging you. Do you want that princess judgment from Snow White?

26. And once again, these princesses will be sticking to their princess story so much, they will try to make polite conversation with you about the selfie stick you’re holding, but also they’ll be thinking like, “please no more selfies.”

27. The forced perspective of the scenery might get thrown off.

28. Imagineers are probably crying knowing that all their hard work to create the illusion of bigger things and buildings is being thrown off, because of selfie sticks.

29. If the Imagineers cry, they won’t make more awesome things, like Avatar Land.

30. Are you REALLY going to watch selfie stick video of you riding Soarin? You can only Instagram 15 seconds of that, and Sorin is 8 minutes long, so…

31. And Walt Disney himself would probably judge you for using a selfie stick. Just sayin’.

(Image via here.)

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