I'm graduating college and I am absolutely terrified
In May this year I will be sitting my final ever exam at university, closely followed by my graduation in July. For me, this is absolutely terrifying. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? How am I expected to survive without a student loan? Where can I even find a grown up, job? These questions rattle my brain on a consistent basis, making me ultimately terrified of being set out free into the big wide world of adulthood.
Since the age of three, I haven’t lived any part of my life without also simultaneously also engaging within some kind of education. I have loved it. It’s been a relatively simple eighteen years, despite the occasional minor breakdown from time to time because of exams or coursework deadlines. Overall however, it has been comforting. To know that your days will have a guaranteed productive rate has provided me with peace. Now I am finally leaving my days of full-time education behind me, what exactly is it that the world expects of me?
What first? Do I travel? Find a job? The uncertainty gives me palpitations. These last three years at university have simultaneously been both the most fantastic, yet also the most challenging of my life to date. I will always romanticize these recent years, experiences and memories that I will continue to treasure forever. I will view the trials and tribulations I have had to face as opportunities for self-improvement, continually testing me and helping me gain valid skills.
Now the endless hangovers are in-fact about to actually end, I have never felt more uncertain. One day I will find myself super excited about what the future has in store for me, plans and ideas about traveling the world and potential job prospects. But first, I’m: feeling far less optimistic and wondering how on earth I go about doing all of these things. Something I truly lack is confidence, and although I often will find myself trailing off about doing this and then doing that, whether I will ever actually go ahead and do these things is an entirely different matter. Being set free into the so-called ‘real world’ absolute terrifies me, how will anyone as introverted as me survive the ordeal of finally becoming an official adult?
The biggest anxiety for me is definitely finding a job after I graduate. Have I done enough work experience for my chosen field? How could I bulk my CV up now while also trying to balance a dissertation and exam stress? Plenty of horror stories circulate about English Literature graduates and how they struggle to find a job.
However as much as I do worry, everyone keeps telling me that everything will just fall into place eventually. At first I was unsure—how could they possibly know this for certain? And although they still don’t have any better idea than I do, I have to remember that I am still young. Time is on my side. And I still have a month too relish in being a student.
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