“Like what?” “Tell me more.” “What would you do if I was there?”
When I got these kind of texts, I would get super nervous. Because sexting isn’t something I had figured out, exactly. The very first time this happened, my boyfriend was far, far away at a summer internship and we missed each other very much. I had a bit of an internal freakout. I’d never sexted before. I didn’t think anything I said could be taken seriously and interpreted as sexy. He was waiting for my response so I had to think quick.
I immediately recalled the “Lorelai’s First Cotillion” episode of Gilmore Girls where Rory and her boyfriend Logan sext for the first time. Logan was far, far away in London and since they were having a difficult time feeling connected, her frenemy Paris suggests sexting. Rory is clearly flustered and embarrassed and has obviously never sexted before. So Paris, an advanced sexter, advises her to “stick to the basics” and “write what you know.” After doing some research in the bookstore with Lane, Rory ends up texting Logan a quote from Henry Miller: “our hands groped frantically for the burning flesh.” I figured that would be a good place for me to start, too. And I tried to rack my brain for something I’d seen or read where anyone had said anything remotely sexy that I could send to my boyfriend.
I typed “Rory and Logan sexting” into Google and the first result was “Text You Up, a gilmore girls fanfic” by a user named pirateylove on Fanfiction.net. So yes, in that first sext conversation, I sent my boyfriend direct quotes from this fanfiction. Here’s what I learned about sexting from ‘Gilmore Girls’:
It’s okay to joke around.
Rory: I want to feel you pick me up all big and strong and press me down hard and feel every inch of you on me.
Logan: I can’t wait to get you alone so I can slowly undress you and run my hands up and down your body.
Rory: You never slowly undress me lol.
Logan: Lol have it your way. I pick you up and throw you on the bed, climb on top of you, tear your shirt off, and bite your arse. I make my way down to your pants.
There’s no rule saying that you have to be super serious and intense about it the entire time. There are things that happen during IRL sex that make you laugh, like your bodies making weird noises or something funny happening on TV. It’s okay to bring that playfulness into sexting, too.
Like Paris said, write what you know.
Rory: I stare into your eyes and kiss you passionately. I hold you close and buck my hips into you slowly then faster, to the same rhythm you are.
Although she was a journalist, Rory felt that her words did not do justice to the action. Scenes played in her mind from past encounters like these.
Put into words what you two have done before. It doesn’t have to be fancy or embellished. This can also a good time to test drive ideas for things you might like to do in the future.
There’s no such thing as in-context corny.
Rory: I shake because it feels so good. I move my hips in a circle and run my hands all over your chest.
Yes, these sexts may read goofy now out of context, but when you and your boo are sexting, it’s very in-the-heat-of-the-moment. You probably trust this person if you’ve decided to engage in intimate cyber sexual relations with them, so trust that they won’t laugh at you for saying something corny. I assure you, that’s the furthest thing from their mind.
There are two stories being told: The one within the shared sext space, and the one in which you two are actually sending the texts.
Rory: I actually moaned a little bit out loud reading that. I writhe with pleasure until I can’t stand it anymore and take your shirt and pull down your pants.
You can comment on the narrative and add commentary on how it’s making you feel or what you’re doing IRL. If you think about it, it’s kind of a strange and wonderful form of collaborative storytelling.
It’s okay to be romantic, too.
Then, because she felt herself drifting off to sleep, she added…
Rory: We are both in euphoria and finish together.
Logan seemed to sense this, and was probably more than a little tired, too.
Logan: I hold you close as you drift off to sleep.
Which is what she did.
Sexting doesn’t have to be “dirty” or “naughty.” It can also be really sweet.
You’re not the only awkward one.
However, although she was a sexual being, she felt a little dirty “voicing” these thought over a text.
Gaining confidence in her newfound text-sex abilities, Rory sent…
Listening to Rory’s inner dialogue in the fanfic gave me an access point and made me feel better knowing that I wasn’t the only one feeling at a complete loss on how to sext.
Even though taking inspiration from fanfiction may seem totally inorganic and unromantic, it gave me the basics and template for which to begin. Eventually, I found my own “sexting voice,” which includes heavy use of emojis.
Now I too, do not need my books anymore.
[Image via The CW]