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Brianne Hogan
March 02, 2018 4:01 pm

If you think about it, “vagina” is a pretty funny name on its own. But still, it’s a name that a lot of people have a hard time saying out loud. So, instead, we’ve resorted to calling it a slew of things that are ridiculous and silly, but also pretty funny.

In fact there are so many funny names for “vagina,” there’s a whole monologue about it in Eve Ensler’s famous play, The Vagina Monologues. In it, Ensler lists regional terms, like “mimi” and “schmende,” food names, such as “split knish” and “tamale,” and even ones that just make no sense — “possible” and “fanny boo,” for instance.

Perhaps your family had its own funny names for “vagina,” or you heard one from a friend when you were a kid. Or maybe you’ve created your own ~alternate~ word because you just can’t get comfortable with “vagina,” or want an option that’s not quite so clinical.

If you’re looking for some funny names for vagina that don’t involve saying the word “vagina,” then here are some ridiculous terms for our “lady bits” that will make you laugh, if nothing else.

Vulvarine

Popularized by the gals on Broad City, this term sounds either like a weird fruit or a badass superhero.

Pink/Bearded Clam

Who knew a sea creature was so not sexy? (Everyone.)

Red Wagon

Miranda Lambert sang about. Why is it red? Is it irritated? Inflamed? Well, either way, we won’t look at our childhood mode of transportation the same.

Meat Curtains

Remember when Lady Gaga wore them at the Grammy’s? HA!

Flower

As Rachel told Monica, if you keep calling it that, no one’s going to take it.

Furburger

That’s a fuzzy mouthful.

Upright Wink

Here’s looking at you, kid.

Garage

Start your engines. LOL.

Muff

Sounds like a cute Muppet.

Fish Lips

Again with the sea references!

Taco

Well, it IS a delicious food…

Camel Toe

Classic.

Love Button

Go ahead and push it. PUSH IT REAL GOOD.

Honey Pot

Do you think Winnie the Pooh would… never mind.

Beaver

Sorry, beavers, for being called vaginas. You’re cute animals that don’t look anything like vaginas.

French Fry Dip

Literally made us laugh out loud. And made us crave cheese fries.

Pink Canoe

It’s a trip you’ll never forget!

Hippo’s Yawn

What? Why? Who you calling a hippo and YOU BEST NOT BE YAWNING!

Handwarmer

Fingers are good. Hands can be a bit aggressive.

Cave of Wonders

X marks the spot.

Vajayjay

Hey, if it’s good enough for Oprah…

What else you got, kids?

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