Sammy Nickalls
March 09, 2016 9:13 am
20th Century Television

Every New Girl fan has wondered: What actually are the rules of “True American,” the drinking game that looks like a wild mix of drunken tomfoolery and American history? The most intense fans of the show may have even tried it (and probably ended up jumping on couches pretending the floor was lava and randomly shouting the names of presidents while chugging beer, TBH). At the series’ 100th episode party in LA last week, Entertainment Weekly asked the cast their feelings and thoughts on the game. . . as well as how to actually play it.

“The first person to get drunk wins,” said Lamorne Morris, who plays Winston. “Obviously, there are no rules for True American. It’s just an excuse for a bunch of alcoholics to get together and say ‘But we’re having fun, we’re playing a game!’ Nah, y’all are alcoholics. You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

OK, fair point, because the game *does* look like this:

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He also advised anyone who wants to attempt the game to avoid driving, at all costs. “Lock the keys away. Don’t be on the road injuring people. I strongly recommend not playing True American because everybody will die,” he said — as EW put it — in a “dramatic voice.”

OK, makes sense, but what are the actual rules? Turns out you won’t be finding out anytime soon, because Hannah Simone, who plays CeCe, has been wondering that, too. “Find out what the rules are and bring them back to us,” she told EW. “Everybody goes, ‘What are the rules for True American?’ and we go, ‘Well, there aren’t any. That’s what True American is.’ I would love to see what the rules are. Then maybe we can use them on our show, so we have a little more structure.”

But our fearless leader, Zooey Deschanel (Jess), says that rules would be missing the point. “It’s not a real game,” she said, laughing. “I think the way to win the game is by making up new rules because there are no rules.”

But Max Greenfield (Schmidt) said that there’s a different way to win. “I ultimately think the only goal is to get as drunk as you possibly can, but don’t drive,” he said. “It’s a really bad drinking game. You end up drinking a lot. It actually promotes binge-drinking.”

OK, so True American doesn’t have any rules, and running around on your couch pretending the floor is lava while shouting American presidents and chugging beer was *probably* the way you actually play it. So if you want to give it a try, be safe, and don’t end up like this:

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