Extra Crispy
Updated Mar 28, 2017 @ 4:24 pm
Picture of Lorelai Gilmore Drinking Coffee
Credit: Warner Bros.

As though you weren’t excited enough for the debut of the Netflix Gilmore Girls reboot, you’ve got another reason to have heart palpitations by way of the Gilmore Girls coffee challenge. If you’ve ever wanted to drink as much coffee as Lorelai Gilmore, and have a cardiologist on speed dial, your dream could come true faster than the Gilmore girls ran through their lines on the show (and on second thought, maybe all that coffee is why Lorelai and Rory speak so fast to one another). Over at Mashable, one intrepid journalist did just that—and better yet, she lived to tell the tale.

Trying to drink as much coffee as Lorelai Gilmore is no easy feat. It takes dedication, grit, and a pretty big coffee maker. Luke’s Diner might be able to accommodate these heaping portions of joe, but it’s a bit harder to make this much of the stuff at home. So if you missed your chance at drinking heaping coffee cups at pop-up Luke’s Diner replicas across the country this summer, you might have a harder path to forge. But Mashable’s Chloe Bryan tackled her task like a pro, beginning before 8 a.m. to pour caffeine into her system with vigor.

But by 10 a.m., our hero began to suffer from roughly four cups of coffee in about three hours, which is enough to make anyone start to feel twitchy—let alone queasy. Ever make that mistake of going for the extra cup of coffee when you’re on a caffeinated roll, thinking that one more might make you stay lofty, buzzed, and ready to face the crushing responsibilities of life? Yeah, me too. I think we all have. And unless you’re some kind of superhuman, you probably realized about four sips in that you totally overplayed your hand—because that hand is now twitching uncontrollably.

And that was only day one’s breakfast servings, let alone dinner coffee (which is totally a thing, right guys?). By day two, our journey takes a turn for the worse. A cup in the morning can’t make up for the difficulties of caffeine-induced insomnia from the day before, and after a while, no amount of sugar, cream, whipped cream, or sprinkles can make coffee taste good. Coffee begins to equal anger, and anger leads to hate. And hating coffee leads to the end of the experiment. It was good while it lasted, but nothing gold can stay.

So if you had an inkling that your coffee consumption was up to par with Lorelai Gilmore, you might want to think again. After all, television isn’t real life, and caffeine overconsumption is a decidedly real condition. One that no amount of witty repartee with your ersatz daughter in a quaint New England town can fix.

This article by Brian O’Connor originally appeared on Extra Crispy.