Sammy Nickalls
Updated September 29, 2015 5:41 am

We’ve all watched Spongebob and gotten super hungry for burgers. Specifically, Krabby Patties, even though we don’t actually know how delicious they would be IRL — but based on the characters’ love for Krabby Patties (including Squidward!), we’re pretty sure they’d be awesome.

However, a new fan theory has been circulating the Interwebz that may even turn Spongebob off from the delicious burgers. Naturally, this theory originates from r/FanTheories, where Redditor walla_walla_rhubarb considered something wild. Obviously, the show draws lots of questions (How can you take showers underwater? Why doesn’t Spongebob’s tie float upwards?), but this theory focuses on one in particular: The reason why Mr. Krabs’ daughter, Pearl, is a whale.

Of course, Mr. Krabs is, well, a crab, so there’s no way Pearl could be his biological daughter. Many of us just assumed it was a process of aquamarine adoption. However, the fact that Mr. Krabs never acknowledges this, nor never brings up Pearl’s mother, struck walla_walla_rhubarb as very curious indeed.

“When a whale dies [its] carcass can fuel an entire ecosystem for a very long period of time,” the Redditor posted earlier this month. “I find it curious that Mr. Krabs has a whale for a daughter, but there is never a mention of Pearl’s mother or how she came under the guardianship of Krabs.”

And that’s where walla_walla_rhubarb dropped a majorly dark theory as to why this is:

AHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOO. We all knew Mr. Krabs isn’t exactly the nicest crab — his money-lust often has spiraled out of control and has ended up hurting a lot of people in various ways, after all. But if this fan theory were true, it would be a new low. PEARL, RUN (or, SWIM) WHILE YOU STILL CAN. And please, don’t eat any of those Krabby Patties.

This one’s probably in the books for darkest fan theory ever. Yeesh.

(Image via Nick)