Tyler Vendetti
August 04, 2014 11:24 am

Last week, the Telegraph’s Kate Bussman analyzed our tendency to ask the wise oracle known as Google anything and everything that pops into our collective minds. Some of the most popular questions asked of the Internet have to do with confusing cultural trends (“What is twerking?”), while others pertain to relationships (“Why won’t my husband talk to me?”). But, perhaps, even more fascinating are the completely random questions—the “emotional or irrational” questions, as Bussman puts it—we’d never even consider uttering out loud.

So what exactly are those “irrational” burning questions we’re asking the Internet? We did a deep-dive into the world wide web of Q&A’s in order to excavate the quirkiest queries ever posted. Here’s a small sampling of what we found.

Question 1: Do unicorns poop rainbows?

If we could take the Christmas spirit and the joy of a child and blend them together in a giant melting pot, a baby unicorn would eventually bubble to the surface. Why? Because they are the ultimate symbol of purity. Therefore, they cannot possibly have regular poops. That leads us to a very important question: what exactly do they poop? If not rainbows, then what? Luckily, the Internet had the answer.

Question 2: What if animals were round?

If watermelons can be rectangular and cups can be square, then why can’t animals be round? Surely, having every animal be a uniform shape would make sketching them significantly easier (just draw 50 circles and add on the appropriate limbs to make 50 different animals. . . no more of that “body shape” business). The Internet agreed, and even offered an example of what this would look like:

Question 3: Can zombies swim?

For years, I’ve argued that finding an unoccupied tropical island would be the best course of action in the event of a zombie apocalypse, but in thinking about it, I’ve realized that such a plan ignores one very important possibility: that zombies can swim. It’s not really an outrageous question if you consider how indestructible zombies seem on TV. I mean, if they can knock down fences, walk through fire, and crawl through the streets with their guts hanging out, why wouldn’t they be able to wade through a tiny body of water? There was some debate.

Question 4: Why are manhole covers circular?

Surprisingly, the answer was not “so giants can play frisbee” which is what I expected when this question popped up in my Google search bar. Apparently, “round tubes are the strongest shape against the compression of the earth around them, so the cover of the tube would naturally be round as well.” Which is a fancy way of saying “manholes are round, so their covers should be round, you plebeian.” Amidst all the serious answers, though, I did find this gem:

It probably wasn’t supposed to be a joke, but I laughed nonetheless.

Question 5: Can Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself cannot eat it?

The only thing more surprising than this question is the fact that it was asked by more than one person.

As it turns out, it is a widely debated question on the Internet, one with a relatively normal answer.

Is it totally crazy that I understand this logic?

Now it’s your turn: What other profound questions have you found on Google?

Featured image via CDN.com, additional images via Google search

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