A news station in Cincinnati reported on a story that is so gross, we had to share it. A woman discovered an unfinished ice cream sandwich that her son left out in the hot sun. It’s unclear why anyone would ever consider not finishing an ice cream sandwich, but what she found was VERY clear. The ice cream didn’t melt! The ice cream sandwiches in question are from Wal-Mart and and they contain a number of preservatives that may have slowed their melting capacity.

If something as classically delicious as ice cream sandwiches can last so long, what about other processed foods? Let’s take a look at some edible items that will outlive us all.

Kraft American Cheese

American cheese slices are known to last throughout an entire childhood. They never go bad. They will sit on the bottom of your refrigerator, unscathed, until you throw them away or eat them. Don’t get me wrong though, they still hold a special place in my heart (and refrigerator).

McDonald’s Hamburger

Everyone knows that fast food is full of artificial ingredients and is pretty terrible in general. But did you know that a 14-year-old McDonald’s hamburger will look almost identical to a brand new one? According to a Utah man who kept his for that long, the burger didn’t even mold or smell bad. Think about how many McDonald’s hamburgers are still living inside of us. Or don’t.


Twinkies won’t actually last forever, but they will certainly last longer than they should. Steve Ettlinger wrote a book called Twinkie, Deconstructed, and in it he says that he has 8-year-old Twinkies that haven’t gone bad. But in our minds they definitely have.

Fruit Cake

Did you know that some people refuse to eat fruit cake if it hasn’t aged for at least four years? Some aficionados won’t even eat one until it has aged for 25 years. That’s some serious fruit cake dedication. The fact that fruit cake can live for so long gives us a legit excuse to never eat a fruit cake again.

Country Ham

Most Country Hams don’t have expiration dates, which is the first sign that maybe we shouldn’t be eating processed meat. If the ham has started to mold, Country Ham makers suggest trimming away the top layers, sort of like a moldy cheese, making the shelf life practically unlimited. No thank you.

Soy Sauce

Unopened soy sauce can basically last forever. All you need is tons of rice (that also can last forever), and you’ve got yourself meals until the end of time.