Kathryn Lindsay
Updated Aug 02, 2015 @ 6:45 am

Clearly, NO ONE touches this guy’s bacon — not even his furry feline friend. A West Yorkshire man in England called the police to complain that his girlfriend had allowed their cat to eat his bacon — and he wanted justice.

Here’s how it went down. When the dispatcher asked the disgruntled man about his emergency, he replied, “Er, me girlfriend has let the cat eat my bacon.” When she asked what he wanted them to do about it, he explained that he wanted to press charges. You may ask, against the cat or the girlfriend? “Both of them,” he told the dispatcher.

The dispatcher told him, “Sir, it’s not an offense to let your cat eat your bacon. And we don’t arrest cats,” before telling him that this didn’t qualify as an emergency.

This story is one of many the West Yorkshire police called “time-wasting” calls, and it’s kind of a big deal. As funny as it is to read these stories (and don’t worry, there’s more) you can’t help but think that one of these calls could be taking up the time of a dispatcher who could be helping somebody in a real emergency.

To emphasize this problem, the West Yorkshire police released an audio clip that contains some of these calls, like noisy washing machine and an unsatisfactory food order complaints. Suffice to say, when you come across a problem like this, 911 is not the answer. If you walk into your kitchen to discover that your cat ate your bacon, you just get more bacon. More bacon is always the right answer.

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