It's All About the Why
Untangling the truth behind what you struggle with, and what you don’t like about yourself is all about ‘the why.’
That’s the missing link to truly healing. All the stuff you tell yourself about who you are and what’s wrong with you is false. It is a justification your brain makes to make sense of what is scary or difficult to understand in your world. To give it some order, or some relatable terms. “Why am I like this? Why do I get stuck with this one thing and how come I feel powerless to change it?” Everyone – when they go through a particular set of experiences — will do pretty much the same thing as a result of them. Think about that for a moment.
If you grow up with a specific set of tools – have a particular kind of childhood, school, parents, summer camp, every tiny experience that makes up your life, down to the tiniest detail to the grandest trauma – you will manifest a particular set of tools with which you will build your life. Everything you understand and abide is something you learned, and you are doing the best you can with the tools you have collected thus far. So sometimes we don’t get all the tools we need and that means we have to go outside our life experience to find them. Like, for example, in a book about someone else’s life – someone we trust or relate to our in our problems. If we are not able to find the answer to our problems, it’s most likely because we’re searching for the wrong answer based on what has caused our tangle.
Once you learn about what has created a pattern or tangle in your person, you can unlock it. Understanding is the key. Once you dissect the cause, you can deduce how to best remedy the problem – the most important element being pinpointing the correct problem. Often we look at the symptom as our issue and not the cause itself. Why? Because the problem is usually buried deep and also woven into our fabric as “truth” based on our experiences.
How do you know whether or not something is a symptom or the real cause? If you are thinking about it a lot, rather than logically acting on it, you are probably focusing on the wrong thing. Meaning – when you can identify a problem, you know what to do about it and you either choose to deal with it or you don’t. It doesn’t mean it’s not overwhelming or difficult, it means that it’s clear and unavoidable. When you’re not identifying something as the true root of your pain, it comes in the form of non-stop analysis and obsession. Your brain takes it apart from different angles, proving it to you in different ways, and it feels chaotic and annoying. It’s an emotional reaction coming from fear, but it’s a bad feeling that’s not connected to what it seems to be about. It’s not the real source, in other words. To fix this problem, you’ve got to uncover the why behind it.
It’s like there’s a window on the wall next to you covered in paint, and suddenly someone washes it from the outside. The room lights up and you become aware of your location. There’s no “unknowing” where you are and what’s outside. Just like a personal ailment in your life, once you see the logical cause you can begin to see it from the outside of your feelings. For the first time you can know that it’s not “you” at all, an inability to get yourself out of this problem is learned. If anyone else lived your life, they’d have the same misconception and get stuck at the same spot. There is nothing broken about you. You are not weaker or a lost cause – you just haven’t found the missing link yet that unlocks and untangles this particular knot.
So if there’s something you want to solve or fix or let go of in yourself – something that pains you, that makes you hurt, or feel stuck – know that you can. You just need to be willing to take the time to search out the right tool. Why do I believe this? Because I have collected the majority of my tools from others and I have changed as a result of them, for the better. You are not different. Or cursed. Or weaker or lazier. You have taken on a specific story about “why” that is designed by your particular life experience. If you’re stuck on something, it’s just because you haven’t found the right tool yet. Go easy on yourself and just start walking in the general direction of where you want to go. Pick up different tools and try them out. If you get stuck in worry, remind yourself to stop wasting energy, and focus on actions. Less think, more do. Spend your energies on action in a positive direction. I truly believe 100% without a doubt – you can become whoever you want to be, and be happy.
Just to be uber clear, I am not a doctor and I have no training in this area. I am simply speaking based on my beliefs and experiences. If you are suffering from anything that you don’t feel you can handle on your own, there are amazing people working in just about every area of help you can imagine. It’s always a good day to reach out for help. And thanks to Google, it’s easy to find it. Whatever it is, you can find the answers you need help finding. And it’s always worth it. You are the most important thing in your world. Be good to yourself. And smile!!!!!!
Happy Sunday, friends! If you’d like to listen to this in Podcast form, you’ll find it and other happiness sound bites here.
Featured image via Flickr