Jonathan Zipper
October 20, 2013 2:00 pm

After 16 days, the smokescreen otherwise known as the 2013 government shutdown came to an end, yet confusion over Obamacare lingers. Meanwhile, Elizabeth Berkley reminded us of the good ol’ Zack Attack and Hot Sundae days of yesteryear with a Saved by the Bell flashback.

Well, here’s a message that I’m sending to you: it’s time for an all-new “The Week In WHAT?!

Not So Abominable?

If you’re an Abominable Snowman enthusiast, then you’ll probably be bummed out by what one scientist has to say regarding the mysterious Himalayan’s existence. After reviewing small DNA samples from unidentified remains in the Himalaya Mountains, Oxford professor Bryan Sykes now believes there is enough evidence to rule the mythical creature is actually a hybrid species of bear. If confirmed, Sykes’s findings would mean the Abominable Snowman is half extinct polar bear and half brown bear. What say you, Bill Nye the Science Guy?

Oarfish “Oar”-board

Girl power! Jasmine Santana, an instructor at the Catalina Island Marine Institute, took an afternoon dip off the Southern California coast and stumbled upon a rarely seen oarfish carcass. Since little is known about these deep sea dwellers, Santana quickly decided to bring her 18-foot-long discovery ashore. She single-handedly dragged the 400-pound deceased oarfish back to the coastline before seeking help from others to get the fish out of water. Sounds like someone got her cardio and weight training in all at once!

Fancy Meeting You Here

Looking to join the Mile High club? Well, membership could cost you more than just a plane ticket. A couple flying from Medford, Oregon to Las Vegas started their trip to the city of sin with an oral exam in the bathroom, ignoring warnings from the flight crew. The couple was charged for lewd, indecent and obscene acts after fellow passengers witnessed their tete-a-tete. They pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and were each fined $250. Hey, that’s cheaper than most change of ticket fees and upgrades.

Bacon or Baby: A Modern Day Sophie’s Choice?

Gentleman, if you’re looking to make a baby, you may want to lay off all that salty bacon and succulent sausage. A new study suggests that a man’s fertility could be negatively impacted by his regular intake of processed meats. However, the same study found that men who eat white fish every other day increased their sperm count. So, the moral of the story is to always wrap your smokey meats around the fish for a neutral net effect, right?

Dating in 5 Minutes or Less?

Relationships are life’s little roller coaster ride. Together, you and your significant other soar to new highs and crash hard upon hitting new lows. Even when you think you’ve finally found your ideal mate, some unforeseen event can lead to an entire meltdown of an otherwise well-oiled machine. We’ve all been there, and some unfortunately more frequently than others. That’s why we think these two improvisors nailed it when it comes to all of the emotions one goes through while dating in the year 2013. (PS: You’re welcome for the date update.)

And there you have this week in “WHAT?!” Can’t wait to see what’s in store for humanity next!

Image via Imgur.

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