Diane Keaton went on Ellen to talk about her next movie, The Big Wedding, in which I will blindly assume she plays a quirky, frazzled mother-type. I am also going to blindly assuming that Diane Keaton gets a little nervous before talk shows and now requires a little liquid courage to combat her fear of partially-improvised banter and pre-approved questions (see also: her appearance on The Colbert Report last year). Party on, Diane. I once used 3 shots of Jack as liquid courage before a blind date and was convinced I was KILLING IT … Until I went to order my third drink and the dreamy dude (yes, my blind date was actually dreamy) told me he had to “be somewhere.” Ouch. He then gave me a rough pat on the back and said he’d “see me around.” Double ouch. I still support the use of liquid courage, but perhaps in smaller doses?
Anyways, Ellen and Diane didn’t talk about the movie a whole lot. They tried to, but Diane got the giggles from her red wine with ice. Here’s what I learned about The Big Wedding from their little chat:
1. Keaton’s character throws herself into tantric sex after being cheated on by Robert De Niro’s character.
2. Topher Grace plays Keaton’s virginal, 29-year-old son really well.
3. Keaton both kissed and punched Robert De Niro. “I love kissing him,” she said. “I enjoy the kissing of the men.” She also put her head on Robert De Niro’s chest, “but his chest did not have clothes on.” Hot?
Diane also pointed out that despite having been in three movies about weddings, she herself has never been married. (But based on her special way of derailing conversations and propensity for day-drinking, I bet she’s a ton of fun at real-life weddings.)
“Oh, I’d like to get married,” she says. “Very bad. What happened was, nobody ever asked me!” Somebody marry this beautiful, talented kook in a HURRY. She is a grape-stomping barrel of laughs.
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