Lyndsay Rush
July 02, 2014 8:22 am

I love chips. No, I really love chips. Like you could poll people who have only known me for a few weeks and they would list ‘loves chips’ as one of the 3-4 things they know about me. Someday, if I play my cards right and someone does a Twitter roundup of my best tweets, at least 88% of them will be about chips.

So it wasn’t surprising that I caught wind of a Doritos announcement revealing the names of their three ‘mystery’ flavors from their new “Jacked” line. (Thanks, google alerts.)  But have these flavor pioneers gone too far? You tell me. The three new offerings are “Chocolate Chipotle Bacon, “Caribbean Citrus Jerk,” and “Spicy Street Taco.” The first being the strangest and most concerning, and the last being the most delicious, according to taste-testers.

But inspire and hunger me, they did. And so I got down to the dirty, glorious work of researching other crazy chip flavors out there. And yes, when I began writing I whispered to myself “This is important work.”

Introducing chip flavors that only a chip addict could love:

1. Lay’s Kiwi Flavor

Guys, things are getting crazy now. Fruit-flavored chips? Only in China. Really. Those who have reviewed these did not generally like the taste, but the bag says “Natural & Cool” so let’s just take that into consideration before we judge.

2. Jiminy Chips Chocolate Marshmallow

That Chocolate Chipotle Bacon Doritos flavor is embarrassed right now because these potato chips (described as very potato-y but with hints of chocolate and ‘mallow) have TWO sweet flavors taking center stage. Now, I don’t necessarily want them at a BBQ but I wouldn’t turn them down if they showed up in my mailbox.

3. Lay’s Hot Chili Squid

SQUID? I’m sorry but I’m out. I know I said all that stuff up there about my love affair with these crispy devils but when it comes to seafood flavoring, I pass. Thankfully, these bad boys are mostly found in Thailand, so were not likely to cross paths anytime soon. (For the record, seafood lovers: Lay’s also has a Rasa Salmon Teriyaki, Caviar, and Hot & Sour Fish Soup.)

4. Doritos Late Night: Tacos at Midnight

Some guesses on what these taste like: regret? drunk texts? Fireball? Romance? Uber? New Year’s Eve? I don’t know but I do hereby solemnly swear to find out on Friday.

5. Terra Bloody Mary Red Bliss

Ok girl, I’m listening. Terra says these crunchies have hints of vine-ripened tomato, worcestershire sauce and celery. I say they can come to my brunch any time.

6. Pringles Cheese Burger

I’ve always respected the Pringles mascot simply because he’s wearing a bowtie, but is it weird that I’d rather just eat a burger like they show on the can (with Pringles as buns) than eat these?

7. 7-11 Hot Dog

No, I’m not just randomly listing the single most regrettable purchase you could ever make at a 7-11, this is a flavor of chips they released and now I’m starting to long for some sea salt and vinegar just to cleanse my mind pallet.

8. Kettle Maple Bacon

Smoky bacon, sweet maple syrup, what’s not to like? I feel like I could have these with a side of the Terra Bloody Mary chips and it would make for a perfect breakfast of champions. If champions meant not champions.
Well there you have it. Lay’s and Doritos are the top dogs when it comes to crazy flavors, so keep your eye on these taste-makers (get it?) and at the very least get excited because it’s only a matter of time before one if not all of those new Doritos chip flavors will turn into Taco Bell tacos.

(Featured image via)