Sammy Nickalls
October 10, 2015 10:06 am

If you order your coffee with milk and sugar. . . congratulations, you’re a normal person! But if you prefer your cup o’ joe black? Sorry, but you’re apparently a psychopath. Sorry to break the news, but , so blame them. It’s science’s fault; we’re just the messenger here! We swear!

A recent study conducted by researchers from Innsbruck University in Austria surveyed tastes and personalities of 1,000 people. They were asked about their preferences for sweet, salty, sour, and bitter foods. Then, they completed four separate personality questionnaires, which asked them questions like “Given enough provocation, I may hit someone,” and “When making fun of someone, it is especially amusing if they realize what I’m doing,” and “I enjoy tormenting people.” So essentially, they were asked if they were total jerks or not.

And apparently, according to the results, those who preferred more bitter foods and drinks tended to have more “malevolent” personality traits, including “Machiavellianism, psychopathy, narcissism, everyday sadism.” Yikes! Agreeableness was also negatively correlated with bitter foods and drinks, which included radishes, celery, tonic water, and black coffee.

“The results suggest that how much people like bitter-tasting foods and drinks is stably tied to how dark their personality is,” the researchers said in an interview.

The good thing from this study, though, is that at least we know how Voldemort would have preferred his morning cuppa before setting out to kill Harry every day. Plus, we now have serious insight as to who is *really* to be avoided at Starbucks. You may have thought that dude ahead of you ordered black coffee because he was being healthy, or because, oh I don’t know, he ENJOYS it that way, but no. It’s because he’s probably plotting your murder right at that very second, so drop everything and run.

But on the flip side, may we point out that this is just one study —and if you’re sitting there reading this, thinking to yourself “wait, I love my coffee black and bitter and I would never do anything mean to anyone, ever,” DON’T WORRY. Obviously one study does not speak to the entire human race. You live your best life and order coffee the way you want it!

(Image via Flickr Creative Commons.)

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