I’m very, very fortunate that the nearest Whole Foods is a whole 25 minutes away from me. Otherwise, I would be spending half my paycheck on fancy water and granola all the time, and let’s be real. I can’t afford that. But every once in awhile, I’ll make the trip, and I’ll walk around the store in awe at least three times because there are so many beautiful boxes and bags and vegan things I didn’t know could be vegan. But before I step inside, I have a very real pep-talk with myself. I’m all, “Gina, don’t spend more than fifty dollars. Have self-control. I believe in you.”
And that’s not all that crosses my mind when I step inside my local Whole Foods wonderland. Here’s what else I think about:
1. Okay girl, we’re only here for lettuce and heirlooms. Lettuce and heirlooms. Lettuce and. . . ohmygod are those organic peanut-butter pumpkin granola cookies?
2. Which alternative milk will fill me up the most and be extraordinarily healthy at the same time?
3. I’m just going to grab a small salad!
4. These scallops are literally twenty dollars more than the scallops at Ralph’s.
5. Did that lady just give me the stink eye?
6. How am I supposed to choose from the nine different types of quinoa?
7. This tea is 12 dollars. Worth it.
8. Oh my god, I’m getting cheese and wine. I deserve a cheese and wine night.
9. If I eat vegan chocolate chip cookies instead of regular chocolate chip cookies, I’ll probably feel more energetic during the day. I’m getting these, okay?
10. Probiotics are SO IMPORTANT. I’m buying like ten of these probiotic drinks. You just cannot have enough probiotics. I swear.
11. This locally handmade soap smells like a fresh basil salad, but it’s 25 dollars?! WHAT. Okay I’m getting it, I don’t care. I should support my local soap-crafters.
12. I hope this almond butter isn’t just almond and butter.
13. Oh I need to get Yerba Mate. I hear it’s like legal crack.
14. I think I’ll get a pressed juice. . . kale and something really sweet so I don’t taste the kale?
15. Vegan, gluten-free, low-cal frozen pizza actually doesn’t sound bad.
16. $14 ice-cream? Who do you think I am, even?
17. I’m getting this hummus. I’m just going to eat hummus instead of everything else I’ve been eating.
18. You know, I can make this gluten-free thing work. I bet I seriously could.
19. Nevermind, this bakery is out of this world. I’m going to make sweet sweet love to this German chocolate cupcake as soon as I get home.
20. There is so much water that tastes better than regular, plain water here. THANK GOD.
21. This acai berry chocolate bar is so expensive and my heart hurts.
22. I’m sorry but this coconut water tastes like sweat.
23. If I get this protein shake mix, then I’ll HAVE to work out. It’s all about accountability, dudes.
24. Ooooooh coconut oil! I’ve heard from like everyone that they swear by this. Totally getting a jar. Make it two, since I’m not stopping by the Body Shop later.
25. SHUT UP my groceries cost WHAT?