Mia Galuppo
November 24, 2013 9:00 am

8 out of 8 scientists, botanists, congressmen and mothers agree that sleep is important.*

Even though we all try to heed the advice of our most trusted plant biologists and local politicians, we sometimes just don’t have enough time to sleep because things get in the way, like television or work or reality television.

If you ever find yourself unsure as to whether or not it is time for a nap, please consult the list below.

1. You Run Into Everything

When tired and overly committed, you are like one of those baby giraffes when they try to walk for the first time. Your legs feel heavy and your knees buckle and you seem to have zero control over the left side of your body.

Unlike a baby giraffe, you are neither an infant nor animal so, technically, you should be a little more capable.

2. You apologize to inanimate objects after running into them

Because you are so used to running into everything, you begin to apologize to everything you run into. Whether it is the cute flannel-wearing guy from work or a garden gnome, it doesn’t matter. Just because you are sleep deprived does not mean that you forgoe common curtsies.

3. You yell at inanimate objects (usually for getting in your way)

If lampposts could talk, man, would they have a word or two to share with you.

4. Almost anything look appetizing

Researchers from the German Universities Tubingen and Lubeck, and Uppsala University in Sweden, found that sleep deprivation is linked with feeling hungrier and having higher blood levels of ghrelin, a hormone that is linked to hunger.

So that’s why you went through three-dozen doughnut holes last Tuesday. It’s cause you were tired.

5. You cry like nobody’s watching except someone usually is

A voicemail from your grandma, a service member seeing his Golden Retriever for the first time after returning home from combat, the ending of Harry and the Hendersons or not being able to open the peanut butter jar. When running on less than three hours of sleep, most anything will set you off, especially when set to that one song by Sarah Mclachlan.

6. You argue aloud with yourself

Everyone argues with themselves, but this often takes place in your own head or in the shower or while driving in your car– where you think you are alone but are really just ignorant to the guy in the Saab stuck in traffic next to you, who is now privy to the dishwashing issue that you have continuously failed to take up with your roommate.

When tired, the part of the brain that keeps you aware of your social surroundings must jump ship, because, whether or not they are in a Saab, you don’t care who hears your ramblings.

7. You forget the proper response to salutations

“Hi, welcome to Starbucks!”

“I’m good. What about you?… I mean, uh, how have you been? No… wait… busy this morning?… I mean… has it been busy this morning? I mean… are you busy? I mean, wanna get coffee sometime? Wait no…uh… coffee. I need coffee. Please, coffee.”

8. You forget how to order at Starbucks

“Can I get a large, I mean, grande—why is it called grande instead of large, anyways? And can it please be cold with ice, but I guess that’s how it gets cold, so ice in it, please. Can it be a latte? Wait. No. Can it be a macchiato. Wait. No. Go back to the latte. Actually, it doesn’t matter. I don’t know the difference, anyways. So, to recap, I want ice inside of my machilatte that will be held in a large cup….Oh my gosh grande is Spanish for large! It all makes sense now.”

9. You forget how to spell your name for your order at Starbucks

“I know it begins with a ‘k’ and there is an ‘e’ somewhere in the mix, but  I’ll leave it up to you to just sound out the rest.”

10. You forget the last point you were going to make

Uh… the end?

*This is not an actually statistic, do not cite in scholarly articles or medical journals.

Featured image via.

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