Things that just make us feel weird for (seemingly) no reason
You know when you just feel really weird, and you’re not sure why? We do. Life is full of microscopic concepts, interactions, and a few animals that just leave us feeling mildly creeped out. It’s totally OK, because feeling weird and uncomfortable is just a part of life and we wouldn’t want to have it any other way. But what exactly do we mean by “feel weird?” That awkward feeling in our bones. That “I wish I could turn back time and not do or see that thing” feeling. We have problems, we know, specifically with these things:
Okay, maybe not THIS opossum, who is having the time of his life snowboarding. But in general? opossums are exponentially frightening. Their sharp teeth, their long noses and beady, murderous eyes? We just can’t.
You say good-bye once, because that’s just something you do as a human. You say good-bye before you or someone else leaves and it’s all normal and good (and sometimes sad). But then you or that person doesn’t actually end up leaving, and then you have to say good-bye. AGAIN.
When you trip and you try to play it off as a funky dance
Oh me? Tripping and almost twisting my ankle and silently dealing with this hot burst of pain? NAH. I’m just in the middle of choreographing this sweet new dance move.
The “Do we hug or shake hands?” dilemma
Do I know you well enough to drape my body over your body for a couple seconds? Or do we go with a professional shake of the hands? GAH.
When you call someone you don’t really want to talk to, hoping you get voicemail —but the person actually picks up the phone and now you have to talk to them.
After a long day, you come home and realize you had something in your teeth all along
You’ve had a speck of pepper nestled in the corner of one of your front teeth. Your zipper is very much slumped down. You have a smudge of concealer on your glasses. And worst of all? It’s too late to fix any of it. *Cries forever*
Talking at the same time as a person you’re conversing with, saying “no you go,” over and over
OK. Can we just start over again?
When you think someone is waving at you but they’re so not
The pain is real.
When a call is dropped and you’re talking to air for a few seconds
And you only realize you’re doing this because you hear a beeping noise, and it’s that person trying to call you back. So yeah, you were just talking to yourself. No big deal.
When someone texts you and you don’t know their number
And you stop to think of a polite way to ask who it is and if it’s even worth bothering.
That moment you think something is free, but then realize it’s not, and need to figure out a suave way to say, “Well I don’t really want this product now that I know it’s not free.”
Because in that moment, anything that’s not free is too expensive.
Getting stuck in a laugh cycle and not being able to stop laughing
And no matter how many times you tell yourself, “STOP LAUGHING STOP LAUGHING,” you cannot stop laughing, no matter how inappropriate it is (i.e. a wedding, a birth, a very important lecture, etc.).
When you’re with a group of people at a restaurant and there’s only one bite of the shared appetizer left
So, it becomes this duel, right? The No, No, YOU Have The Last Bite, I’m Fine, No, Please, Do Have It competition that really only happens out of pride and maybe a little bit of misplaced stubbornness. And maybe you just don’t want to be THAT person who eats the last appetizer. But then that last chicken wing goes uneaten and that’s just wrong.
Innocently walking away before you paid your cab fare or your groceries because you’re so used to Uber and Seamless
You’re not a crook! You swear!
You just can’t get over the fact that they’re a living, breathing suction cup. Oh and then can regenerate their starfish limbs. What is up with that?
Getting caught whispering when no one around you is whispering
You play it off by saying, “HAHA why am I whispering?” even though you have no idea why, still.
You held it in, sort of, and now everyone within five feet of you is wondering what kind of sound just came from your face.
Having to send food back when you’re at a restaurant
You wonder if you’re being a jerk. Are you being a jerk? You’re not sure. But there was a hair in your food! And your food was kind of burnt! You still go back and forth, justifying why you needed to have your meal re-made and whether it was worth it and how this reflects on you as a person.
Are you asking me something or telling me something??!! Seriously, these two punctuation marks were not meant to be paired with each other. Nobody feels good about them.
Marionettes are sad, sad dolls that remind us of a time when adults who made toys just didn’t get children—or really relished in creeping them out.
Images via Giphy