From Our Readers
July 26, 2013 6:00 am

You watched them in your pajamas on Saturdays with your peers at pizza parties and the effect of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles may have helped shaped your taste in dudes to date. After ultra-official research and polling dozens of friends, there does indeed appear to be a correlation between the turtle you’d fight next to and your type of guy. (Unless you literally like them green and genetically altered. Then the theory falls apart.) In the event of a tie, just remember these are guidelines and each turtle is more of an archetype. You’re not likely to find a pure Raphael or any other turtle. But allow us to crack an egg of knowledge about what you really draws you.

Raphael: Cool But Rude

Creating a bad boy on a television show made for kids is a tall order. He can’t smoke, drink or get arrested — but if you love him, odds are the guys you date do all those things in full force. If you’ve ever bailed your boyfriend out of jail….congratulations. Raphs have a lot of fire, which makes them passionate and prone to doing crazy things to profess their love (if they don’t get in their own way). The flipside is they also end up getting in bar fights and leaving a mountain of text messages for you when they think you are ignoring them.

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Michelangelo: Party Dude

Maybe the most fun of the group, Mikey is the life of the party. Girls that gravitate toward him like dudes with friends, contacts, they know people who know people. There an incredibly high likelihood of them being a stoner; or at least they were at some point. They are most likely to play video games and be content to keep their entry-level job so long as they can afford to party on the weekends. As they are social butterflies, they can be flirty and cross over into cheating without realizing the severity of the crime. The good news is, they are most present in the moment, and happiest when surrounded by simple beauty.

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Leonardo: Leader of the Team

Almost fifty girls responded to my email/text survey about their favorite turtle. And only one wrote back voting for Leo. One. It says something, but what? Here’s what I suspect: Leo is the safest bet. Where the others angle for fun and adventure, Leo is counting the chickens that have hatched. Tightly wound? Type A? Clean freak? Check, check, check. If you switch his love of planning for money, he’s the guy that’s going to have a savings and know where the cheapest gas station is in town. Which doesn’t mean he can’t cut loose, it just means it’ll only happen after studying for finals and getting the work down. But you might have to remind him to schedule in a break.

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Donatello: Does Machines

Oh, the Renaissance Man: a dabbler in almost anything that dives deep but doesn’t take his skill set too seriously. If your boyfriend is in more than one band, you’ve got a Donnie on your hands. He casts a wide net, saving things that might be of use. Which makes him handy when you get a flat tire, need to make a fire out camping, or are unsure of how to make the perfect mojito. This sometimes goes too far and he’ll seem like a know-it-all, but remember he’s got the smarts—and uses it to look smart. If you catch him unprepared, he can turn pitch quite the tantrum; after all, being the smartest kid in the room is kind of his jam. Good in a pinch but he can be a lot to handle everyday, unless you are after MacGuyver. But that’s a whole different article.

By Shelley Gaske

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