My uterus is freaking out.
Have you all seen the pictures of this adorable blonde toddler napping with a 2-month-old puppy?
This might sound crazy—probably because I am crazy—but those photos did something to my stone cold heart. I haven’t felt this alive since I got super into Googling “Tiny Animals on Fingers” back in 2010. Listen, I’m a bit of an odd duck. I’ve never been the girl who imagined her dream wedding or husband. I’m not even sure if I want kids. I’ve always kind of envisioned myself as more of a “fun aunt” or a “zany godmother.” But as soon as I saw those pictures of that sleepy toddler spooning with a pup, my metaphorical clock started ticking. I’m about ready to create a Match profile, register at Babies-R-Us and then drive to the nearest animal shelter. Those photos have me feeling SOME KINDA WAY.
These pics got me thinking: if I love this baby/puppy cuddle party so much, could I ever date a boy who didn’t think these photos were swoon-worthy too? Of course not! So, like any normal almost 30-year-old girl who is hardly dating someone, I sent the link to several boys I am “talking to” to gage their reaction.
Just like bad credit, crazy families or awful kissing, it’s good to know sooner than later if your would-be husband’s heart melts when he comes face to face with a baby cuddling with a puppy on a Navajo rug.
Here are the conversations:
Guy 1: Conversation via Facebook chat
Me: Hey! Hope you had a great weekend! Have you seen these pics?
Guy 1: Yeah dude best sh*it ever.
Conclusion of conversation with Guy 1: He likes the pictures, but is clearly not into me, as evidenced by calling me “dude.”
Guy 2: Conversation started via Email
Me: Hey, have you seen this? (Sent link)
Received a text 20 minutes later to my phone.
Guy: Hey, I think your email has a virus? Just got something weird from u?
Conclusion of conversation with Guy 2: Omg Omg Omg Omg (Turned off my phone, took an embarrassment induced 15 minute nap.)
(I have now found a wedge of Brie in my parent’s fridge. I made a cup of coffee and am eating said Brie alone, sans crackers. It is midnight.)
Guy 3: Conversation via Text
Me: Hey bb boi
Guy: Hey you
Me: Ummm, please check the link I posted on my fb
Guy: Stop. That. Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guy: Things that cute should be illegal.
Guy: You are cuter, though.
Conclusion of conversation with Guy 3: It is midnight on a Monday and I am texting a boy I am only kind of talking to pictures of a toddler cuddling with a dog. Does he think this is my weird way of initiating a booty call? Is that why he is being nice? Whatever. He liked the pictures. And he thinks I’m cute. He has great taste! Planning our wedding. Naming our first child Drew, whether it’s a boy or a girl.
Just like an episode of Elimidate, I’ve ruled out Guys 1 and 2 and am ready to ride off into the sunset (on a puppy) with Guy #3. The real question is: when did liking babies become one of my non-negotiables? Is it a deal-breaker now for me?
I just had a scary thought. This might not be about the pictures. I might be growing up.
Photos from the Instagram: @MOMMASGONECITY