Abby Carney
August 16, 2014 10:00 am

We’ve found that each day of the week has its own personality, much like our zodiac signs. So we made a handy chart of our own, to help you figure out which day of the week you vibe with most. If you don’t see one that matches your personality, it’s probably because this is day-of-the-week fan-fiction and not based on anything but pure imagination. But please, indulge us:

MONDAY

She is all business, all the time. She wears a top bun, and though her wardrobe is just a sea of power suits (and her freezer stuffed with power bagels), she fancies herself more Breakfast at Tiffany’s, less The Devil Wears Prada. She is never seen without a coffee in hand, nor with her feathers ruffled, no hair out-of-place. Monday is no-nonsense, and she’s so flawless, it’s exhausting. She glistens through a 6 a.m. spin class every morning. Her least favorite quote is, “Tear off the mask. Your face is glorious.” And her biggest vice is taking long bubble baths while reading The Economist.

TUESDAY

Tuesday is a little ballerina of a woman. She’s petite and she wears her hair clipped to the side with a simple barrette. She owns more pairs of ballet flats than she can count, and has just as many matching pastel cardigan sets. Her favorite lipgloss is called “Love in Delicate Lace,” and she is so very sweet. The Tuesday girl loves her boyfriend very much and she often bakes him gluten-free muffins to take to work. She loves nothing more than walking her golden retriever through the park and shopping for dinner at Whole Foods. Tuesday’s favorite quote is, “Wake up and be awesome,” and she has a coffee mug emblazoned with that very quote. Her best friend gave it to her for Christmas last year, and she uses it everyday. Tuesday’s vice is Instagramming cute pics of her feet or of her boyfriend peacefully sleeping.

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday is all skinny jeans and band tees and leather jackets. She wears her hair loose and wavy, and people often mistake her for one of the Haim sisters. Maybe today she’ll drink juice or maybe she’ll scarf down a burger instead. Who’s to say? Wednesday keeps you on your toes. She is very much like Olivia Wilde in “Drinking Buddies” or Jennifer Lawrence at award ceremonies. Her vice is blowing too much money on sexy lingerie, and sometimes donning a wig, driving an hour outside of town and going to bars alone, pretending to be someone else. Wednesday doesn’t care what you think, and you love her for it. Wednesday is in a band called Dirty Spoons and she was once suspended from private school for sniffing Sharpies on a field trip. She hates it when people tell her, “Everything happens for a reason,” and one thing she’s never told anyone is that she knows all the words to “Just Dance” by Lady Gaga.

THURSDAY

Thursday girl is totally neurotic, but it adds to her charm. She wears a lot of turtlenecks and embroidered vests, loves cats, and owns two copies of The Omnivore’s Dilemma. Her home and workspace is a bit chaotic, much like her mind. She has a tire swing in her backyard that she likes to relax on. Thursday wears thick-rimmed glasses and is pretty introverted. She just always has a lot on her mind, and sighs heavily. . .a lot. She works part-time at an organic grocery store, and is set to release her first novella this spring. Her favorite quote is, “If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything,” and she believes her heart belongs in Asheville, NC. It would surprise a lot of people, and Thursday would never tell anyone, but she’s good friends with Taylor Swift. They met when they were kids.

FRIDAY

The Friday girl is so diverse. She was born in Bangladesh, and lives in L.A., but she grew up in New Jersey or Tennessee. She is good-natured and even-keeled. People are drawn to her warm and charismatic personality. She talks fast like the Gilmore Girls, and is always working on a new project. Though she is very excited and idea-focused, many of those ideas never come to fruition. She often wears homemade garments—one of her favorites is a beaded crop top she pairs with cutoffs she embroidered with patches. Friday’s passport is well-stamped, and her vice is taking off on month-long trips to faraway lands without telling anyone. She once had a pet turtle, and she has the words of Kerouac tattooed on her right shoulder, “There was nowhere to go but everywhere, so just keep on rolling under the stars.” Friday girl takes photos at concerts sometimes, and one of her photos got picked up by Rolling Stone once. She’d never tell anyone that she actually believes in soul mates.

SATURDAY

Saturday is a roller-coaster ride, and when she grabs your hand and beckons you into the party, it’s hard to refuse. She’s a little bit Kesha, a little bit Georgina Sparks. She is often drinking rum, and she’s always covered in glitter. Her uniform is a bit flashy. On a typical day you might see her in snake-skin jeans, arms covered in bangle bracelets, and eyes thick with makeup. If it’s trendy, it will probably catch Saturday’s eye like a magpie sourcing baubles for its nest. Since she was 15, she has charmed her way past the burliest bouncers with aplomb.

However, being so high energy does not come without cost. Saturday is also a deep thinker, and she often feels a bit depressed. She lives a big life with high highs and low lows. She loves jellybeans, and has a penchant for some things illegal. She writes sad, angry poetry, and when she’s feeling blue, she sits on this one particular park bench and makes shapes out of the clouds. She does not wash her sheets very often, and her walls are covered with taped-up snapshots of her and her friends out on the town. She takes comfort in the quote, “Your wildness is a gift,” and she’d never tell anyone that she fantasizes about settling down in the suburbs.

SUNDAY

Sunday has her own Etsy shop and she loves wearing flowers in her hair. She’s very hipster bohemian-chic, and loves crafting. Her vibe is Blake Lively meets Princess Aurora. She is very spiritual and talks kind of slow. It’s because she has so many thoughts floating around her mind at once. Her skincare regimen is ON POINT. She is vegan, and studying to be a yoga teacher. She wears a beautiful crystal pendant around her neck, and she’s never seen without it. It’s something of a good luck charm, and she’s so ethereal some people believe it might even be her an otherworldly power source. Some people also swear she can talk to animals. Sunday feels most at home in Colorado, and she hopes to move there someday. She often tells her friends, “Que Sera Sera” in hushed tones, and sleeps in a bed that looks like some sort of tree fortress built for a fairy queen.

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