Crush of the Week SHOWDOWN: Aidan Turner vs. A Red Panda
They say the heart wants what the heart wants, but what if your heart is fickle?
Like, it’s hard enough making choices in life. We have to choose careers, when and how we want to have families, whether or not to text back that guy who messaged you at 2:13 am with “Have you ever seen The Wonder Years?”.
Life is all about making decisions and dealing with the consequences.
When it comes to crushes, the heart is usually loud and clear as to what it wants. Sometimes, though, it gets indecisive and you can’t rely on intuition to lead you to your next dreamboat. Sometimes you are the one who has to intellectually make a choice between two loves–and it’s hard.
It wasn’t easy for Bella to choose between Edward and Jacob and it was even harder for Katniss to decide between Gale and Peeta. As for me? Well, it’s been literally impossible this week to choose between Aidan Turner (from Being Human, The Hobbit and the upcoming The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones) and a random red panda I found a photo of on the internet.
I mean, here is Aidan Turner:
Observe his wild and romantic hair. Observe his pensive brow. Observe the curve of his lips. Observe his stubble. Observe his sideburns. Observe his nose. Observe his chin. Observe him.
But then, take a gander at this red panda I found through a Google image search:
LOOK AT ITS FACE. LOOK AT ITS CUTE FACE. I WANT TO SQUISH IT RIGHT NOW BUT IT’S KILLING ME.
So, you understand my conundrum, right?
My heart is torn in twain this week between Aidan Turner’s undeniable hotness and the unbelievable cuteness of red pandas.
Some people out there would smartly suggest that I make an excel sheet where I could list the pros and cons of both Aidan Turner and a random red panda side by side in columns. Furthermore, I could assign numeric values to the different pros and cons Aidan Turner and a random red panda have.
So I did that.
Noting that Aidan Turner is Irish and therefore has a sexy accent gives him a +3.
Noting that a random red panda is a mammal and therefore covered in adorable fur, also gives the red panda +3.
So far they are equal.
Aidan Turner has a girlfriend, which is a -7 for significant other, but a +4 for the fact that they are unmarried.
A red panda has a +5 for also being a type of raccoon, and I find raccoons cute, so that’s another +1.
However, raccoons are scavengers and sometimes have rabies, so a big -9.
Except, Aidan Turner is a person and not an animal, and I can have sex with a person.
So, Aidan Turner gets a +10 for being a person.
However, a red panda can’t get me pregnant, break my heart or disappoint me with revelations of amorality and men can do all of these things. +7 to the red panda and -3 for Aidan Turner.
And so on….
Here is my excel sheet so far:
So, it’s pretty close. Adian Turner seems to have a slight lead and I think it’s because of his amazing nest of mahogany colored curls.
Part of me wants to see this further. I want to do deeper research and stare at Aidan Turner’s face and gifs of red pandas more. I feel compelled to decide between them.
But there’s another part of me, guys. See? I’m split down the middle. Half of me wants to pick between them and the other part wants to have it all.
Why can’t I love both?
Why can’t I have both?
Why can’t both Aidan Turner and a red panda be “Crush of the Week”?
I don’t have an answer to any of those questions. At least, not a good one.
We don’t always have to choose between two awesome things. Sometimes we can take everything we want.
Sometimes we can have Aidan Turner and a red panda, too.
(And sometimes we make complicated spreadsheets for nothing.)
Aidan Turner image