The Internet’s obsession with cats is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I’ve spent all of my 26 years pro-cat in the cat vs. dog debate. They are just the best. They’re cute, sassy, and make for some hilarious memes. Recently, though, I’ve started to realize that my life priorities don’t quite line up with those of the people around me. In fact, they seem to line up more with the priorities of my cats. And quite frankly, I’m totally OK with that.
My cats easily have the greatest life of all time. The most stressful part of the day is the hour before meal time when they start to consider that this may finally be the day that I let them starve to death. It isn’t. They eat. The crisis is averted, and nap time ensues. The only comparable tragedy is when I start to wake up in the morning, and I move entirely too much, disturbing their otherwise peaceful night of rest. They are forced to get up from the bed and relocate to the couch to continue sleeping. It’s the worst.
As much as I mock their perfect and entitled lives, it turns out I’m actually exactly like them in a lot of ways. Was I a cat in a past life? Am I a cat trapped in a human’s body? Whatever the case may be, I’m certain that I’m not the only one. Here are some signs that you may also be a cat in human form.
Sleep is literally your favorite thing ever.
Getting out of bed in the morning is such a drag, so sometimes you just decide not to. You’ve missed a lot of social engagements over the years, because you choose sleep over going out. Who starts an event at 10pm anyway? You’ve been in pajamas for hours by that time.
The only time you move quickly is when someone says “free food.”
When someone brings in baked goods to the office, or your boss inexplicably orders lunch for everyone, there are no questions asked. There is only a mad dash to where the food is, and, if no one is watching, you hoard as much as you can to eat later.
You’re very particular about pretty much everything.
You have your spot on the couch, and you don’t react kindly to seeing someone else in it. Your desk may be messy, but it’s your messy, and you don’t want anyone rearranging anything. You love your routine, and it’s really not cool when something affects that routine.
Your curiosity can get you into trouble.
Remember that time you thought you were Harriet the Spy and totally looked in your neighbor’s windows with binoculars? (That wasn’t just me, right?) That was probably not the best idea, but you just had to know what was going on in there!
When it’s ‘Fight or Flight’ time, you get out as fast as you can.
You will never be like the girls in horror movies that go outside to investigate a strange sound. When you sense danger, all of the doors will be locked, and you will be completely silent under the covers in the blink of an eye. It’s every person (or cat) for themselves!
You tend to love people who push you away.
According to science, cats respond more positively to people who don’t even like them. It’s an unfortunate fact that sometimes people do that as well. We ignore the people who pay attention to us (my cat does this when I want to snuggle), and instead give our attention to those that treat us poorly (my cat does this when my allergic friend comes over).
You love affection sometimes, but if it’s not one of those times, you want everyone to get out of your face. Like right now.
You definitely value your personal space and alone time, but that doesn’t mean you don’t ever want to be around people. A good hug or cuddle session is nice every once in a while, of course. The key is that YOU need to be the one to decide when it’s time for that.
(Image via iStock)