A lot of us saw the change of the year as a opportunity to change every aspect of our lives. I’m going to stop texting him, no more junk food, water all day every day, perhaps even join a gym. And most importantly, easy on the social media. Well the first week of January has come and gone, and I feel no different than I did on Dec 31st. I’m sitting here bloating, dehydrated, and waiting for him to text me back—all while wondering what went wrong.

Well friends, I found a solution. I’m simply going to blame it on the retrograde. There’s got to be a reason why my pants are too tight, why I’m so incredibly emotional, and why I’ve eaten all the chocolate in the house. Well it’s either that Mercury is in retrograde (once again!) or I’m about to start my period. Either way, I’m still going to shake my face at the sky and say “darn you solar system!” Now pass the chocolate please!