Sammy Nickalls
March 31, 2016 7:39 am

We’ve heard of Pop-Tart beer. We’ve heard of lobster beer. But the newest beer to take the prize for the weirdest is vaginal beer. We’ve heard of women using their own vaginal yeast to make homemade sourdough bread and yogurt, but a Polish company is raising money on IndieGogo to distribute what they’re calling “the first vaginal beer” made from vaginal bacteria.

Order of Yoni (the word “yoni” is Sanskrit for “vagina or womb”) is a beer brewed with lactic acid bacteria swabbed from a woman’s vagina. But not just *any* woman’s vagina — specifically, “beautiful Czech model Alexandra Brendlova,” who is the “kind of female whose pheromones will stay with you after the meeting for the following week long,” according to the company’s IndieGoGo video. (They also claim it is “beer with the flavour of champagne,” so we suppose this means her vagina tastes like champagne?)

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Order of Yoni’s ultimate IndieGoGo goal is to brew six batches of approximately 16,600 beers. And for those who donate the most amount of money to their IndieGoGo, the company make you a beer based on your girlfriend’s own lactic acid bacteria. So. . . there’s that. They also hope to brew other beers “with a different model’s yoni each” in the future.

An Order of Yoni video attempts to explain just how they’ll go about bottling a woman’s essence:

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Order of Yoni “devoted much time” to look for a woman like Alexandra Brendlova — that is, “a woman who possesses all the desired instincts which we wanted to frame in our bottle,” according to the video. Each bottle “presents her name with the date of the collection of her vaginal swab.” Valuable info.

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Intriguing . . . but we’re kinda hoping this is all just an April Fool’s Day joke.

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