20 awkward phases of trying to leave a professional voicemail
1. When you have to make an important grown up call to, say, your boss or a doctor’s office, you want to sound as professional as possible. You know, like you have your life together.
2. Unfortunately, trying to sound professional can make you very nervous.
3. Stakes get even higher when you get sent to voicemail.
4. That “please leave a message after the” beep might surprise you so much that you say the completely wrong thing.
5. Like when you start off by asking, “How are you?”
6. Then, even when you do say the right thing, you accidentally speak in a super high-pitched voice …
7. … Or, worse, like a deranged robot.
8. For some reason, you can’t stop apologizing for leaving a message, even though that is exactly why voicemail exists.
9. Also, you keep adding an “uhhh,” between every thought because pressure.
10. Suddenly, you realize you’ve been talking for three minutes, but haven’t made your point yet.
11. So you are extra relieved when the machine interrupts and offers you a redo if you press 3.
12. Which you do about ten times.
13. Until you finally record the perfect message, sounding like the chill, put-together businessperson you always knew you were.
14. All that’s left is the goodbye. You’re feeling confident.
15. “Bye bye,” you say, cool and collected …
16. “I love you.”
17. PRESS 3. PRESS 3. PRESS 3!
18. You’ve re-recorded this message so many times, you consider adding “recording artist” to your resume.
19. But once it’s over, the stress was worth it. You can relax now.
20. At least until they call you back.