Courtney Batzofin
June 16, 2012 7:00 am

When I first dipped my toe into the pool that is the “working world,” I started hearing a certain expression frequently: THE FEAR. What, you may ask, is THE FEAR? It’s that pit in your stomach, cold-sweat inducing, goose bumps causing, balmy, sticky mess that is (usually) Sunday Night. Ahhh, THE FEAR! You recognize it! Of course, I’d always known THE FEAR on some level, as it’s not exclusive to Sundays. In school, fear-paroxysms occurred from time to time, although, on a much lesser scale and usually a product of a pop quiz in Chemistry. Another known variation of THE FEAR is FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out. I’ve always found it easier to deal with FOMO as I’m mildly anti-social. But back to THE FEAR. In his inauguration speech, FDR famously said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Not for nothing; FDR definitely had a tough job (hello, becoming president during a time of worldwide economic depression and total war). If, in spite of that, FDR overcame THE FEAR then so can I. To try and do so, I’ve put together a list of some fears. Knowledge is power and all that. Without further ado:

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

I get there’s a certain choke factor involved in eating peanut butter and if you’re allergic to nuts FORGET IT. But peanut butter is über-delicious. If we don’t address our arachibutyrophobia head-on, how will we know the joys of mini Reese’s Pieces on top of fro-yo? If ET can overcome arachibutyrophobia then it must be worth it. AMIRITE? Think about it.

Anthophobia- Fear of flowers.

Bees are some scary SCARY creatures. They’re fuzzy, they’re buzzy, they STING and (again) if you’re allergic, FORGET IT. But bees are necessary and important. They produce honey and help aid the reproduction of…flowers. Bees aside, flowers can be a little creepy – you know what I’m talking about animated Alice in Wonderland. But flowers are also symbols of love, friendship, and celebration. They smell nice and they look pretty. IN DEFENSE OF FLOWERS! So sometimes, you just have to look the anthophobia in the face and…stop to smell the roses.

Kyphophobia- Fear of stooping.

Stooping is bad for your back. Stooping can exude a lack of confidence and can lead to injury. But without stooping there would be no getting into forts. Nuff said.

Lockiophobia- Fear of childbirth.

This is one fear I totally get. Like YE-OW and HELLO! But without eons of women putting their lockiophobia aside, you wouldn’t be…doing anything really. Because you wouldn’t exist. That seems like a pretty airtight argument to me.

Phobophobia – Fear of Phobias

Not to get all Meta, but phobias are scary, much like dancing. Thinking about a fear of phobias is enough to make me want to grab the chocolate and call it a day. But if FDR was right, then maybe phobophobia is the mother of ‘em all and the only one we really need to look out for.  So, DAMN THE FEAR! Just a thought. Now if I could just get over the fear of cleaning out the trunk of my car…

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