Mia Galuppo
July 24, 2013 9:00 am

Family vacations are a fun in the sun way to bond and to plot against your relatives.

Similar to online dating and the NATO summit, family vacations, like all hopelessly stressful things, inevitably draw to a close. It is significant to note that no matter what transpires on your familial getaway, you will still all be related at the end of your holiday. Your DNA makes sure of it.

So, if you feel bad that you are apprehensive about an upcoming family getaway, don’t! It’s natural. Just remember, the worst experiences are the ones that inevitably turn into the best fodder for next Thanksgiving’s dinner conversation.

Here are a few things to expect:

1. Your sibling is in an ideological standoff with your dad over the directional capabilities of a GPS versus a paper map.

The generational divide is never more prevalent then when the family is confronted with an unfamiliar landscape, unsuccessfully attempting to find the nearest Red Robin.

2. There is a pressing need to take a Christmas card photo.

This picture is going to be the definitive representation of your family to all of your dearest relatives, old college roommates and past real-estate agents that no one likes enough to actually see. So, you had better look good. The photo usually gets put off until the very end of the trip, and by that point the family is usually sporting uneven tan lines and a surface level contempt for one another. Tis the season!

3. The person on the pull-out couch is complaining about their back.

They took one for the team, and they aren’t going to let you forget it.

4. A family member suggests a friendly game of Monopoly that ultimately ends in a disownment.

The Rockefellers and Vanderbilt’s with their royal blue and forest green monopolies look down on the plebeians that inhabit the dark purple and two of the four railroads. About an hour into it, the board devolves into a back and forth between the top two real-estate moguls and so many “house rules” have been advantageously concocted that even Henry George could not keep up with the gameplay.

5. Someone is always losing a flip-flop.

Where did it go? You’ll probably find it next to your sanity.

6. You get asked about your love life, daily.

Mon: “No. I am not seeing anyone right now.” Tues: “Nope I am single.” Weds: “I am a strong, independent woman who does not need a man.” Thurs: “I’m so lonely.” Fri: “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Sat: “Hi, Dr. Kaufman? Yes, I need to set up a session for next week. Let’s just block out a three hour time slot.”

7. Someone threatens to fly home.

This usually occurs midway through the trip, when tensions are running high and the blood alcohol content is running even higher.

8. You have silently wept at least once while on the beach and/or in the hotel room and/or on the airplane home.

Your family members are the few people on this earth who just may know you better than you do. This can be terrifyingly frustrating because when they point out a character flaw they are usually alarmingly accurate (even thought sometimes we are unable to recognize how right they actually are). Keep in mind that your dignity, along with the sunburns, will eventually heal. Plus, you love your family, which is the reason why you will be willing to do this all over again again next summer.

You may have liked the opportunity to pick your relatives, but where’s the challenge in that?

Featured image via abcnews.com.

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