If you’ve been in a relationship, you know they’re hard. Sometimes, though, we allow the wrong person into our lives and don’t realize that there really are other fish out in the sea. Having someone to love is a great thing, but there are definite signs that maybe you’re putting you’re all into a relationship that it’s time to extricate yourself from.

Communication is really, really hard

Everyone goes through times where communicating what they mean is more difficult. But if it’s a consistent theme, it might be time to think about why that is. I’ve had relationships where communication existed only through yelling and fighting. There were never any calm discussions about the problems. We never heard each other out and calmly talked through it. Plainly put, we sucked at talking to one another. I’ve since learned how incredible it is when you have an issue and you’re with someone who will listen and be understanding of your view point without demeaning you or your concerns. If you can’t talk it out and hear what the other has to say, then it’s always going to be a relationship hardship, and it certainly won’t make any situation any better.

You don’t trust them

Trust is hard in any relationship, but if you don’t know for sure deep in your gut that you can count on your significant other, then it’s probably time to reevaluate the relationship or figure out why you don’t trust the situation. Chances are if you frequently have an itch to check their phone, their computer, or you get an uneasy feeling every time they go out without you, there’s probably a bigger fear than there should be.

You’re not a priority

Nothing makes you feel worse than feeling like you’re being put last to the person you love the most. While it’s healthy for your partner to have interest outside of your relationship, if those things are coming before you and spending time together, then their priorities are not straight. I’ve experienced being put last when it comes to not only hobbies, but even female friends. It wasn’t until I realized that my ex was willing to spend hundreds of dollars to go fly to another state to meet a female friend he met on Facebook instead of going on a vacation with me that I truly felt put last. If someone really truly wants you, they’ll make sure you know it and make sure you know that your relationship is important to them. If you’re with the right person, you won’t constantly feel like you’re coming in last place.

They’re not committing

Sure, there’s nothing at all wrong with taking your time to settle down. And these conversations aren’t things you bring up on a first date. But if your partner won’t even discuss marriage or having a family then they may not be taking your relationship as seriously as you. My ex would literally cringe every time I brought up marriage and get upset because it was “annoying” to hear about. To make a relationship work, you have to at least be on the same page when it comes to a future. If you’re just having fun and taking it slow, great. If you both want to settle down and start a life together, great. Just make sure one of you isn’t putting more into it than the other.

You find yourself looking for attention elsewhere

One of the biggest factors for mistrust in my past relationship was that the attention we weren’t getting from each other, we were seeking for in other people. That isn’t to say that you don’t need your friends around for reassurance always—of course you do! But if you never feel like your partner is listening or paying attention, that’s a bad sign. My ex turned to female friends for reassurance and I looked to my guy friends to feel better about myself. If you want a relationship that will last you have to be with someone who is able to fulfill your needs.

You don’t feel supported

When you love someone you should always be able to rely on them for support and be able to support them. It’s one of the things I’ve found most important in my current relationship because nothing makes you feel better than to have someone tell you they will always have your back. Your partner and you should always be encouraging of each other instead of tearing down one another’s ideas or desires.

You cry too much

This is very simple. If the person you love makes you hurt more than they make you happy, it’s not right for you. The thing that truly opened my eyes to my former relationship being bad for me was when a friend told me they wanted the old me back. When everyone began noticing that I was frequently upset and unhappy, it was the thing that made me realize that the relationship was tearing me up and making me a person I didn’t want to be. There are bad days in every relationship, but those bad days should not outweigh the good days.

Katie Miller is a young Kansas native and lover of books and writing

[Image via 20th Century Fox]