I was in a relationship with a man I’ve known for a very long time. We were great friends, even greater lovers and I was madly in love with him. Fast forward three months and imagine the expression of shock on my face when I found out he had another girlfriend. She lived in DC and she too, was in love with our boyfriend..

Oh Love. There are many feelings involved when you’re in it. The feelings you choose to roll with, are what decides if you win. Every woman must be in it to win it. For love is a battlefield and when you choose to win, you become a woman who is unstoppable.

Here are 5 ways to use a bad break up to win in life:

1. Classy is Sexy: The initial stages. Think to yourself: How would Michelle Obama deal with a breakup? Breakups get messy. You don’t need to get even. You also don’t need to act crazy trying to win him back. He didn’t deserve you in the first place. Class is something you can’t pay for in school – but is respected by a man who will treat you right. You want to attract a class act? Keep calm and stay classy!

2. Tunnel Vision: A re-focus strategy. A relationship can alter what’s important to you. Make yourself the priority. Now that you have time, think about what you’ve accomplished for YOURSELF during the relationship. Did you get that promotion at work? Are you where you want to be in your career? Today’s modern woman is ambitious driven and goal oriented. Be the woman who has her own. Money can (kind of) make you happy while you search for love. Raise the bar for yourself and set new goals. A check-list will help!

3. Get Out Of The House: Quit being depressed! Staying locked away from the world is a sign of weakness. Life will go on as soon as you allow it to. Stay active! This may sound corny, but signing up for a gym membership was the best thing I’ve done in a long time. Put on some cute spandex and go for a run. A gym is a great way to meet new people. You can also work off all that ice cream you’ve been eating!

4. Practice Flirting: Re-learning the ropes. After being in a committed relationship, you forget how to flirt. We forget how to be nice to guys and it’s VERY VERY BAD! Loosen up (but not too loose!) Casual conversations and light human interaction can lead to anything; even if it’s just a new friend. Flirting is meant to be fun. It will also boost your ego and mentally prepare you to get back in the ring of love. Don’t ignore the hot Starbucks guy when he’s clearly smiling at your beautiful face. Smile back. Ask him how his day is going. You might even get a free coffee!

5. Define Yourself: Before you allow someone new in your life. What do you love about yourself? Have you ever stopped to think about that? Why should someone fall in love with you? Often we are on a quest to find someone who can fulfill our needs. But how can you receive if you are unable to give? Don’t let a previous breakup mess up a future relationship. Do you want honesty, loyalty and forgiveness? In order to obtain these qualities in another person, you must be these qualities yourself. Figure out what you need to work on, so when the time comes, you can give and receive love.

Kelly is a Fashion Expert who recently moved to New York to find love. She’s a daughter, a sister, a friend and a owner of too many high heels and pretty dresses. Kelly can usually be found making French toast or singing in the shower. Find her on Twitter or visit her website.

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