Gina Vaynshteyn
August 18, 2014 5:53 am

I remember my Myspace page. Fondly. I created one as soon as I started high school, because how else would I express my colorful personality?! I would alternate my background picture, the color scheme, and my “About Me” section on a weekly basis. It was almost a hobby, maintaining and curating my Myspace page. I uploaded new pictures all the time, just in case my original ones grew stale. I tried to be witty and original, but I usually just ended up using Bright Eyes lyrics for just about everything.

Those were the days! Now, we have Facebook, which we pretty much only use to stalk our exes or scroll through our feed for entertainment news and creepy, Big Brother-esque sponsored posts that speak to our needs way too fittingly. The complexity (and insanity) of Facebook makes me really miss the Myspace era, back when times were simple and profiles were solely used to befriend others. That’s probably why we groomed our pages so frequently and put so much time and effort into those “About Me” and “Interests” sections. If you forgot all about your beloved Myspace, here is what your page probably featured:

1. Indie film references

Right after you watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, you quickly copied and pasted a picture of Clementine and her blue hair for your “Interests” section, because you kind of related to her in a deeply metaphysical way even though you were only sixteen.

2. Listing all your favorite bands from A-Z

Because you wanted everyone to know that you were a music wizard.

3. Or you went with 1-3 bands.

You effortlessly (it actually took you two hours to decide) chose three bands that reflected your minimalist indie tastes: Rilo Kiley, Jesus and the Mary Chain, and The Sounds.

4. You took your main photo from a “Myspace” angle.

As in, holding your dad’s digital camera at arm’s-length away from your face, and sometimes looking away as though you don’t even want your picture taken.

5. Or only half your face

It was more mysterious this way.

6. Or just your eyes.

Double the mystery.

7. Ranking your Top 8 like you were Regina George.

UGH Top 8 was the WORST. I’m not sure why Myspace encouraged teenagers to publicly rank their friends, but they did. Sadly, you could be number one on your BFF’s Top 8 one day, and get moved to number three the following day because you accidentally forgot to text her back. Top 8 was regularly used as a torture device for punishable friendship offenses like that.

8. Choosing the perfect song for your page.

It had to obviously be something no one has heard of before, OR just very, very ironic to show you had a sense of humor. Like “What’s Luv” by Fat Joe (which you were secretly obsessed with).

9. Immediately muting someone else’s song when visiting their page.

Because that sh*t is annoying.

10. TrIpPy backgrounds.

Before you resorted back to the original orange and blue color scheme to be “vintage,” you probably picked out some super vibrant backgrounds, like rainbow mushrooms or Alice in Wonderland.

11. Getting emo in your Myspace blog.

I think they were called “bulletins” but whatever. They were like Facebook statuses, but with no word limit, so you could wax poetic about your really bad day, or why love is super cruel for endless paragraphs.

12. Filling out surveys

Your bulletins also served as real estate for infinite questionnaires we all spent hours filling out for some reason. It was like, the only socially acceptable way to be an egomaniac. You would come up with honest, but clever answers to “What is the last thing you drank?” (vodka LOL I WISH) or “What’s your favorite animal?” (owls, obviously).

13. That “online now” sign when you were stalking your crush was everything.

OMG. Maybe he’ll send me a message. Or comment on my wall. Should I sign on AIM or like, wait five minutes so it doesn’t seem suspicious?

14. Your “About Me” went something like this:

Love concerts. Sushi. Books. Pandas. What u see is what u get, k?

15. When you would write possessive, territorial comments on your boyfriend or BFF’s page.

You would post inside jokes, or memories only you two shared. You wanted to make sure everyone knew that you really got this person and understood them like no other human in the universe.

16. Only filling out “friends” for the blue box that asked you what you were here for.

Even though a relationship would be nice but you’re not THAT desperate.

17. Putting like $100 for your income.

Or $10 million if you thought you were being funny.

18. Answering either “Ummmm no one” or an obscurely lovable celebrity like Steve Buscemi for your “Who I’d Like to Meet” section.

19. Not actually using your real name.

After awhile, using your full name on your Myspace page became passé. Instead, you would use a song lyric like, “Baby’s in Reno With the Vitamin D” that contextually made no literal sense. Or possibly your initials with a heart: <3GV<3

20. You were an HTML sorceress

You were all about the <i></i>s and <br></br>s. You were practically a web designer.

21. Weird sparkly Blingees (the GIF’s common ancestor), like this:

 

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