Jessica Ellis
November 28, 2015 8:57 am

We forgive you if you’ve started reflexively running away when you hear the words “Adam Sandler has a new…” (Pixels, man. Seriously. Pixels?) But here’s a little holiday miracle for those burned too many times by the Sand Man — he’s released a brand new, 2015-updated version of his most famous tune, The Chanukah Song!

For those who don’t recall, Adam Sandler’s now perennial holiday song took over the airwaves in, and we can’t believe it was this long ago, 1994. Written with SNL writers Lewis Morton and Ian Maxtone-Graham, the song lists famous and cool Jewish people in an attempt to make up for the dearth of Chanukah tunes in comparison to the better-PR’d Christmas.

Naturally, as seasons change, so does the popularity of celebrities wax and wane, and so Sandler has drawn big applause for periodically updating the song to include hot new celebrities of the day. Prior updates in 1999 and 2002 added then-trending stars like Winona Ryder, Bob Dylan, Jack Black, and Tom Arnold “converted to Judaism, but you guys can have him back!”

Finally, for the first time in 13 years, we get a long-awaited 4th update, and it’s fantastic! New celebrities include Joseph Gordon-Levitt, “the Two Guys who Founded Google,” Scarlett Johansson, Dr. Jonas Salk, Ron Jeremy, Shia LeBoeff (“half a Jew, but 100% nutty,”) and ice-cream kings Ben and Jerry.

The list also famously contains a few digs at those thankfully not Chosen — the original version had words for O.J. Simpson (“Not a Jew!”) But this year’s rendition took a little of the blame for the world’s terrible people on itself with the fantastic line, “Jared from Subway, damn it, he’s a Jew!” You can’t avoid them all, Adam.

We love that Sandler spaces the updates out by a few years to let trends really come and go and fame solidify. We look forward to his next version, which, if he follows the pattern, will be released in 2028, even though all of us will be extremely old by then!

It’s beginning to feel a lot like the Festival of Lights people! Boost your holiday spirit by watching the video below.

(Image via NBC.)

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