Oh hai, fall! You’re finally here. After all of those sweaty, sticky summer days, the feel of crisp air on everyone’s skin is a welcome change except… who am I kidding? I loathe fall weather, but that’s what makes me superbly skilled at spotting all the weird habits of people who are obsessed with fall.
OK, so I’m not completely anti-fall: I suppose it’s more of a love-hate relationship. Sure, the leaves changing are gorgeous and it does feel great to finally get that boob sweat under control, so I totally get it. But here’s the thing, fall lovers: You don’t have to be so damn chippy about it, ‘mkay? Calm down!
We’re only a little more than a week into autumn, so you have pah-lenty of time to enjoy your favorite season (*smirks*), but I can totally tell by the looks of things, you’ve already dusted off your favorite fall frocks while people like me are still seething over the loss of summer.
1. Wearing a leather jacket/oversized sweater/knee-high boots combo when it’s not even that cool outside. *rolls eyes*
2. Pairing chunky scarves with everything…
3. …then complaining about the fact that it’s still not cool enough outside (like, on day TWO of fall).
This is obviously reflected in your Instagram feed, where every photo is captioned “#PSL.”
5. Compiling a list of fried foods to sample at the state fair.
6. Putting up Halloween decorations ridiculously early.
7. Adding an extra blanket to your bed, then immediately removing it for obvious reasons.
8 Lighting the fireplace just to help those fall feels sink in even though it’s still relatively warm out.
9. Baking ALL OF THE THINGS.
10. Literally jumping for joy at the sight of a changing leaf.
11. Obsessing over apples.
12. Inhaling warm drinks in cute mugs by the bucketload because literally there is no reason to ingest anything cool right now.
13. Immediately revamping your hair/nails/makeup to an autumnal aesthetic (read: ALL BRONZE EVERYTHING).
14. Insisting on cuddling with everything and everyone.
15. Lighting pumpkin/vanilla/any other food-scented candles.
16. Patrolling the supermarket in an effort to buy up all of the corn candy, then gleefully eating it all.
Whew, OK. I could go on forever, but it’s still early in the season, a thought that is clearly lost on you beloved fall enthusiasts who are likely reading this fireside, decked out in a fur-lined jacket while cupping a mug of Dunkin’ Donuts oreo hot chocolate.