It happens to the best of us: you run by the grocery store for a few quick items because you’re out of milk for cereal or you need bread to make your lunch. The next thing you know, you’re hauling two carts through the parking lot with another basket hanging off your arm. How did this happen? Aren’t you on a budget? Didn’t you say you were marching straight to the milk with blinders on and proceeding to the checkout? I’m afraid that’s not how it works. Because even if you do that thing where you eat before you go grocery shopping, all bets are off once you get inside the store.
Maybe it’s just me, but I have a lot of trouble showing restraint when I pass certain items. I’m not sure why, because they’re not particularly exciting items. Some of them aren’t even food. Why do I suddenly NEED Band-Aids so badly? I don’t know, but now I must have the Hello Kitty ones, and also the Care Bear ones. Here’s my typical “get in, get out” trip to the grocery store. Is your experience anything like this?
10. Fresh vegetables
Don’t get me wrong, I love me some veggies – but when I pass them at the store, I get this urge to become health-conscious. I start acting like I’m going to cook all the time, and my eyes get much bigger than my cooking prep abilities. I don’t get what I’m going to eat for the week. I get ALL of the fresh vegetables. Suddenly I’m the Superwoman of super foods, and convince myself I will prepare fresh greens for every meal. I won’t. Inevitably, most of them wilt in my refrigerator, go bad, and I throw them away. And then I repeat this cycle a week later.
9. Something healthy
It can be a bar, a shake or a coconut that I stab with a straw. It’s probably dairy-free, it’s definitely gluten-free, and I guarantee it’s vegan. And it likely has an exciting flavor, like mango pomegranate or pecan-stacio. Whatever it is, I look so good buying it! And Instagramming it! like I said – the grocery store convinces me I’m going to become health-conscious. #nopreservatives
8. A seasoning packet
They’re so cheap, so why not, right? Even if I didn’t get anything to prepare it with, buying a seasoning packet inspires me to cook something delicious. I can make pasta sauce or sloppy joe sauce or even a mixed berry smoothie. I know I’ll use it later this week! (I don’t. It sits in my pantry. But it seems like a great idea at the time.)
7. One whole rotisserie chicken
Oh hello, rotisserie chicken, I almost didn’t see you there. EXCEPT I DID. You look so beautiful spinning round and round, or pre-packaged in your little plastic container, I almost don’t want to eat you. Almost. Even if I’ve just finished off a five-course meal, if I walk by the rotisserie chickens, I’m taking one home. It’s always a great idea. A rotisserie chicken gets me dinner, plus the next day’s lunch. Bonus: at work, I can casually tell the story about how I stopped by Whole Foods and picked up a rotisserie chicken the night before. I’m so domestic, I can’t stand it!
6. Toilet Paper, Paper Towels and Tissues
During my beeline to the milk section, I inevitably pass the packaged paper goods aisle and think to myself, “Am I out of tissues? Probably.” So I get some, just in case. Because I figure that even if I’m not out of tissues, what’s the harm in getting more? They’ll get used eventually. Once I get home, I discover I already have six boxes because I did the same thing last week, so I make room for the box I’ll likely bring home next week, too.
5. Nail polish
If my nail polish is chipping, god forbid I redo my manicure with the dozens and dozens of colors I already own. I must get a new shade! Because none of the greens I have are right. Ooh, this one is called Turquoise & Caicos!
4. Frozen pizza in some form
Bites, Rolls, personal deep dishes – I buy them all, and I’m not ashamed of it. This is an impulse buy I’m actually okay with. I’m doing myself a favor! Remember: the next time you’re too exhausted to make dinner, you’ll always have pizza.
3. That 100 Calorie Pack Cheez-It box sitting innocently at the checkout lane
Could I buy a box of Cheez-Its? Probably. But this one is right here. And, this one comes with already-portioned packages. I like it when snacks are thoughtful. So even though I’ll add “Regular-sized box of Cheez-Its” to the grocery list after I finish off the 100 Calorie Packs in the car, at least I feel better about myself for trying.
2. A magazine
A photo timeline of Kate Middleton’s baby bump? I don’t want to click through a slideshow online, I want to page through it with my bare hands! A magazine subscription would be much cheaper, but this magazine is right here, right now, and I really want to see what that celebrity wore to that thing. And now I’ll have something to read while I lay out, because I’m almost done with Jen Kirkman’s book.
Every. Single. Time.
Featured image via Shutterstock, carrot pic via, cheese pic via, seasoning packet pic via, rotisserie chicken pic via, nose-blowing pic via, nail polish pic via, Liz Lemon video via, Cheez-Its pic via, magazine pic via, gum pic via