The world is a wondrous place filled with thingamagigs that can assist you in all your efforts to ensure that you will complete your work, quite literally, forty seconds before it is due when you are in a last minute panic, cursing the heavens for bestowing upon the world Bill Gates who bestowed upon the world the Internet.
Mark Twain, that little scoundrel, once aptly quipped “Do not put off until tomorrow what can be put off till the day-after-tomorrow just as well.” Now, I have never been one to argue with a man with such a formidable mustache, so I am here to offer you a few whatsamawhos that will aid and abet your procrastination.
I hope that these dobobs can offer you a few moments of respite before soul-crushing anxiety creeps into your consciousness and stress consumes your very being.
1. Learn Something with the Stuff You Should Know Podcast
Have you ever wondered how ejection seats work? Well you should, cause it is fascinating.
This podcast encompasses everything from broken bones to the Archarchimedes Death Ray, and hosts Josh and Chuck’s adorable banter is comparable to other great duos of our time. I’m talking Abbott and Costello, Bert and Ernie, Mr. Rogers and Sweater Vests.
2. Have a Nice Read with Epic Magazine
This online magazine is the brainchild of Joshua Davis and Josh Bearman. Other than sharing a birth name, they also share a passion for longform journalism. The pieces on Epic read like books, but are completely factual.
Currently, the featured story is about zombies. ZOMBIES! Why are you still reading this? Go read that.
3. Call Your Grandparents
How long has it been since you have called your grandma? That’s probably too long.
4. Delete All Facebook Photos Pre-2010
This is an arduous process that forces you to relive some of your most cringe-worthy moments of the late 2000s. Like when you threw up a peace sign in every single picture from August of ’07 to January of ’08. Or your poncho obsession of ’09. Or side bangs.
Just remember that you have the invaluable gift of hindsight. Just keep telling yourself “it got better,” because you have now moved on from ponchos to overalls, and you could never regret wearing overalls!
5. Go for a Run that Ultimately Turns Into a Walk
Hey man, exercise is exercise is exercise.
6. Watch Almost Famous or Dazed and Confused or Any Coming-of-Age Movie
There is something inherently comforting about coming-of-age films…. it’s cinematic proof that you and your friends weren’t the only lame ones whose only Saturday nigh plans consisted, primarily, of loitering.
7. Try and Relearn Cursive
And then try writing a handwritten letter to your local congressman, I think they will appreciate the gesture.
8. Realize How Cool the Mongols were with Crash Course
John Green–yes, The Fault in Our Stars’ John Green– makes the Dark Ages fun with his YouTube videos that cover an astonishingly large portion of world history.
Green’s self-deprecating humor and ability to talk faster than reign of of King Edward the VIII makes 15,000 years of world history seem shorter than the reign of King Edward the VIII (my history analogies are lacking).
9. Send Someone Virtual Flowers
There are websites like Flowers2mail where you can send binary botanicals to your loved ones. It’s kind of silly, but silly in an endearing way. Like when cats wear shoes.
Or get real ones, if ambitious and fully clothed.
10. Finally Learn to Walk in Heels
This will take somewhere between four hours to twenty years to accomplish.
Have something you like doing instead of what you should be doing? Please let us know! Or just do it later.
Featured image via.