From Our Readers
January 29, 2014 6:00 am

1. You waste my daydreams.

I spend a lot of my free time daydreaming, and before you judge me for that, I want it on record that I think it’s totally okay. I’m like a functional daydreamer. We have to dream to keep our minds creative and get us through the mundane day. The trick is to switch from the daydream to real life and you must have a variety of daydreams – not just one.

Anyway, YOU ruin that. You are the protagonist, antagonist, stranger lurking in the background in EVERY daydream. It’s like Inception, except you aren’t Leonardo DiCaprio, which is strangely okay with me.

2. You make me think about your teeth an unhealthy amount.

I know, everyone is like “Whaaat? That’s really odd and sort of stalker-ish,” but seriously, my mind goes to inside your mouth way too much for me to even explain this in a sane manner.

Why don’t you smile with your teeth more often? I’ve seen them before. I know they are straight, bright and white (you must floss, good job), so why not smile and show off your teeth more often? Did you have braces during your awkward years? If so, your parents probably want you to expose those teeth some more, they paid good money for them. I can only hope any photo ever taken of us together, your smile is big and your teeth are visible.

3. You make me wish I paid more attention to you.

This sounds like a complete contradiction considering I’m sitting here making an actual list of things you do that make me hate you/love you, so I obviously pay enough attention, but it’s just not enough.

The instant I leave your presence I attempt to replay every moment. Every laugh, every glance, every smile, the way your hands moved while you told a story, the way your hand lingered after a sort of awkward high five – but I can not. I just can’t and it is literally the most frustrating thing ever. The moment that happened 5 minutes ago feels like it happened 5 years ago. I can barely hear your raspy voice in my head, and I definitely can’t close my eyes and hear your accent I adore to the point I want it on loop in my head.

I want to remember these moments because what if the next moment is s**t? What if I need my day to get better instantly? What if I get into an accident and have amnesia? I need to hold on to the last good one moment we shared. I consciously tell myself to pay attention and mentally capture it all, and I just can’t.

4. You make me listen to Taylor Swift way way too much.

Full disclosure, I listen to Taylor Swift 6 out of 7 days but when I’m actively listening to her music and attempting to relate every lyric to our relationship is when it becomes a problem. I’ll just leave it at that because typing it out is embarrassing enough.

5. You make me dislike girls I don’t even really know.

This one may be the most upsetting to me because I’m not one to promote or participate in girl on girl crime. I’m a modern day feminist who wants everyone to just get along… plus I really like “Mean Girls” (I got the message Tina Fey was trying to convey). But, with that being said, I hate girls who get to spend time with you. Hate them. So much.

Do you like them more?  What makes them deserving of your attention? And don’t say because you work at the same place or you went to high school/college together or she’s your 3rd cousin removed through marriage.

I’m (almost) confident that I’m funnier, more intelligent, a better listener and will take better care of your heart than her. Side note: I almost wrote “that biddy” in a rude offensive way instead of “girl.” Do you see where I’m getting at with this? I hate that I rhyme her name with things as if I’m writing a slut shaming pop song. Who is this person you make me?

6. You don’t make me fearless.

I always thought the person I choose to spend my time with would make me feel fearless; like I could say or do anything (within reason of course) and be confident about it. But that’s just not true. I shrivel up, and it’s not because you make me feel bad about myself, it’s just you make me nervous. So nervous I’m unable to show you my best self, and if I do, to quote Demi Lovato, it comes out like a desperate and pathetic cry for help.

7. You make me think way too much about my Facebook status.

A “Like” from you is like Mark Zuckerberg telling me the reason he created Facebook was so the world (mainly you) could enjoy my statuses. Your “Like” means the world, and that’s way too much.

And if you comment? My world is turned upside down.

8. You make me like the color grey.

I like bright colors. Bright colors are fun, vibrant and make me smile. But you are a dude, you don’t wear eye catching jewel tones; you wear the simplest of grey t-shirts. A grey t-shirt that makes me melt.

Grey is usually associated with dreary skies right before the rain is about to kill your beach day, but the way you wear grey is magical. It can be dark or light, but the way that Hanes falls on your shoulders and cascades down your back is unreal. I can’t decide if I prefer that grey t-shirt laid over your frame or crumpled on my floor.

9. You make me brush my hair.

Anyone who knows me knows that my preference is to throw my hair in a top knot, twirl and pull at it all day so by the end of the night it’s a giant nest of what kinda resembles hair. Sounds attractive, right? Well, if there is even the slightest chance we could be seeing each other, you bet your ass I’m making sure my bangs fall just right over my brow.

I mean, do you even notice? Certainly not, but if I get rejected it will obviously be because the other chick’s hair is a flawless heap of beachy waves and mine is the exact opposite.

10. You are the reason behind this list.

I made this list. See my point.

Elyse Marrocco is a green apple enthusiast. Pop culture aficionado. Future best friend of Taylor Swift. Elyse can be found on Twitter (@roccosrev) and at www.roccosrevolution.com.

Featured Image via Shutterstock.

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