Ellen and Jamie Dornan’s “Fifty Shades Darkest” is the silly-sexy spoof we never knew we needed

Of all the things we thought we might need to survive this dark week, a jolt of laughter from Jamie Dornan and Ellen DeGeneres spoofing Fifty Shades Darker was definitely not on the list.

But now that it’s here and we’ve spit coffee on ourselves in gloriously uncomfortable giggles watching it, we’re grateful for its existence. Even if we might not be able to stop thinking about it once the actual Fifty Shades of Grey sequel hits theaters in February.

In a segment set to air on Tuesday’s installment of DeGeneres’ show, the Irish actor — who obviously plays Christian Grey in the hit film series — dons a hideous brown wig and plays the role of the seduced instead of the seducer for once, as DeGeneres shows up to his “bedroom” in “sexy” attire.

Only instead of DeGeneres turning on her willing and able lover with whips, ropes, blindfolds, and cattle prods, like Grey does with Dakota Johnson’s Anastasia Steele in the first movie, she tries her luck with…well, office supplies. Like scotch tape. From Staples.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show is weird sometimes, guys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7UlhAxrebE?feature=oembed

In an earlier segment that will also air on Tuesday, Dornan reveals to DeGeneres that, before he signed on to play Grey, he really didn’t know much “at all” about the BDSM toys depicted in the films.

“The funny thing is, pretty much everything you find in the red room [of pain], you’ve used a version of, but not for the same effect,” he explains. “Like, it’s more for maybe riding a horse or something…That kind of thing. So you have the skill set and you sort of surprise yourself. Most of it — I have to admit — I was very green about all that stuff.”

Could’ve fooled us, Dornan.