A super spoiler-filled post of everything that happens in the first “Avengers: Infinity War” footage

Right away, I am telling you that I am about to spoil so much stuff about Avengers: Infinity War. I’m also going to spoil things from what will ultimately happen in Thor: Ragnarok later this year. Also want to warn you that I am also about to spoil things from Marvel’s two already released films this year, Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol 2 and Spider-Man: Homecoming. And Captain America: Civil War!!

You know what? To make this easier, I am about to spoil every Marvel movie so far.

I am here to tell you about the footage from Avengers: Infinity War that screened at Disney’s bi-annual D23 convention to a room of roughly 7,000+ screaming fans. This footage isn’t available online, and might never be available online. Maybe it’ll be shown at Comic-Con later this week (let’s be real, it will 100% be shown later this week). If you don’t want to know anything about Infinity War before the first official teaser drops — or heck, even before Comic-Con — leave right now. Go get ready for Game of Thrones or something.

For those who have stayed, hello. Would you like to know what happens in the Infinity Wars footage?

The footage opens with the Guardians flying through space in Peter Quill’s Milano. There’s something floating out there, and Peter commands that everyone put on their “mean faces” because whatever it is, it could be dangerous. The something-floating out in space turns out to be Thor (!!??) and he hits the Milano’s windshield hard. (Rocket starts yelling, “get it off!”)

Thor is in bad shape, and it’s safe to assume that this moment takes place after the events of Ragnarok (whatever happens at the end of that movie somehow jettisons Thor into space). These two Chris’s meet for the first time, as Thor asks, “Who the hell are you guys?”

From there, things only get worse for the Avengers. The Big Bad in this movie is Thanos, who is up and walking around for the first time. If you’ve been paying attention to all the prior Marvel movies, you know that Thanos is trying to collect all the Infinity Stones so he can use them with his Infinity Gauntlet; doing so means he will basically rule the entire galaxy/universe/cosmos.

However, he’s not the only Bad Guy in this movie. Loki shows up, and BAD NEWS EVERYONE, he’s got the Tesseract (aka, what he wanted so badly during the first Avengers).  Loki hands the Tesseract off to someone else, implying that there’s a third villain here. (And this is not including the Black Order, that was revealed later on during the day — and if you’re thinking, “Man, there are a lot of characters in this movie,” the answer is “YES THERE ARE.”)

Elsewhere in the trailer, Peter Parker is riding a bus when suddenly all the hairs on his arm stick straight up, aka, his Spidey-Sense has just kicked in. We see Peter in his new Spider-Man suit, the one that was revealed at the end of Homecoming.

Captain American shows up, and he has a beard. Black Widow shows up, and she has dyed her hair blonde. Bucky Barnes shows up, and he’s got all of Black Panther’s Wakanda army behind him, so someone definitely woke Bucky up.

Lots of other stuff happens that I can’t remember, I’m so sorry! The crowd was screaming so much, and the sound on the trailer was up sO LOUD, please forgive me.

The trailer ultimately ends with Thanos fighting the Avengers. Literally, all of them. Doctor Strange is busy shooting off magical stepping-stones for Star-Lord to jump across…but then somehow, Star-Lord falls, and falls hard, because he does not get back up. The other Peter is injured too, and apologizes to Iron Man with an, “I’m so sorry, Tony,” making us wonder what did Parker do, and what is wrong??

Then, just when you think things can’t get any more insane, Thanos destroys a planet. Cool.

And that’s all I have to tell you about the Infinity War footage! Cross your fingers Marvel drops it online. Otherwise, the wait till May 4th, 2018 is going to seem like, well, infinity.