In defense of “moving too fast” in a relationship
I recently started dating someone and we went from zero to a hundred real quick. At first, I was absolutely terrified. I had a man who wanted to hang out with me the day after our first date. A million red flags went up: Is he one of those people who is always in a relationship? Does he have some dark, twisted secret? On top of all this, he doesn’t have a Facebook, so I added “murderer” to the list of things that could possibly drive a person to want to spend that much time with me so quickly.
And yet, I found myself feeling exactly the same way. I was giddy when he asked me to hang out again. Our first date had been simultaneously fun and comfortable. I know this is beyond cliche, but there was such a strong, instantaneous connection that it just felt natural to hang out with him the next day. A month into dating, we became exclusive. Like boyfriend/girlfriend exclusive. It was something I wanted, something that made me happy, but, because of all the warnings on the Interwebs about moving too fast, I felt like it was wrong.
I gave myself a million reasons why I shouldn’t continue at break-neck speed with my new beau. Maybe I had rose-tinted glasses on and was missing some glaringly obvious reason as to why this was going to crash and burn. Maybe the warm, gooey feeling in my stomach wasn’t the honeymoon stage of a new relationship, but some new, unidentified parasite living in my intestines and giving me all the feels. For the first month, I found myself waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And then I realized why worry about that show? As of now, it doesn’t exist. I have decided to dive right in instead of cautiously dipping my toes. For those of you who have found yourself in murky grey areas of dating, here are some reasons as to why you should put all of your chips in.
You both know where you stand immediately.
My past two relationships prior to this one were what I used to refer to as “slow burns.” We would see each other once or twice a week, text sporadically, and sort of look down at the floor and mumble when people asked what was going on between us. It drove me insane.
Yes, you don’t want to rush into anything when it comes to relationships, but not knowing whether or not your partner wants the same thing as you from the relationship can drive anyone insane. Now, I’m not saying I have talked to my boyfriend about marriage and kids and moving in together, but I do know that we are both really into each other, which is kind of the geekiest greatest feeling.
You get to be vulnerable with someone and have them be vulnerable in return.
Being vulnerable is tough, and I feel like that is putting it lightly. Sometimes I feel like people have to pry if they want to get anything personal from me. But being able to be open with someone is oddly freeing. When I have been in past relationships, I felt like I had to hold back some of my own insecurities and anxieties in fear of coming off as needy or clingy.
Turns out, when a relationship is working and defined, you are able to share some of your fears with your partner and they actually…want to help? It was a strange feeling for me at first, especially this quickly, but I have found myself feeling more comfortable with my current boyfriend in less than two months than I have been with some people I have dated for a year.
If something is good, you have to let it be good.
Say you have the greatest slice of deep-dish pizza in the world sitting in front of you. The layers of cheese steam, the sauce oozes out of the sides, and the pepperonis have the perfect level of grease shine on them. Are you going to stare at this slice of pizza for thirty minutes before deciding that it is worth eating? Nope. I feel the same should go with relationships—if it is really good, why wait several months to confirm that it is, in fact, really good?
Don’t get me wrong, it is important to protect your heart and listen to your friends if several of them are spotting red flags. But if you find yourself completely twitterpated over someone in the near future, why not just go for it? There is no denying that it can be risky and you could have your heart crushed if this person ends up not being “the one.” But think about it: the worst thing that can happen is you experienced something amazing and intense and it had to end. If you go in fearlessly and end up together twenty years down the line, you can say you knew it from the beginning. You can only get to that point though if you trust your gut and go all in.