I’m almost 30 and still a virgin—and that’s totally OK

I’m going to be turning 30 in a few months. And guess what? I’m still a virgin. That’s right: I still haven’t had sex.  Do I, or should I feel bad about this? No, I don’t think so. And if you’re a virgin, whatever age you are, you shouldn’t either. Here’s why.

At first, I was a virgin by choice. I wanted to be sure the person I was with for my first time was someone I had a deep connection with and would be in a relationship with for some time. But nothing like that quite came along. I’ve been out on dates, for sure, but that magical connection just never materialized.

Recently, I’ve been trying the online dating scene. After connecting with a guy on one of these sites, we opted to have a phone conversation. When we were discussion our past relationships, I told him honestly that I’ve never been a girl who felt comfortable just hooking up with guys. (If you do, that’s OK too. No shame in that game, it just hasn’t been for me.) To which he replied, “Well, as long as you’re not a 40-year-old virgin.” At the time, I just scoffed, but the more I think about the comment, the more it gets to me.

As women, there are times we just can’t win. If we don’t have sex early on, we’re considered prudish. And people are often shocked if you mention your lack of sexual experience. On the other end, if a woman is more sexually active, she is sometimes looked down upon and frequently referred to under a number of derogatory terms.

Regardless, of which end of the spectrum we are on, we are meant to feel as though it’s a bad thing. This simply has to stop. Sexual expression is something that you should be in control of. It should be a joyous thing, and not something that you feel pressured into or out of. Your body is your own. You get to decide what you do with it and when.

Whether you have sex for the first time at 18, 21, 30 or later, the most important thing to keep in mind is that knowing when you’re ready is your decision and your decision only. Sure, when I am talking to a guy on an online site or that I’ve met while out and about, in the back of my mind I wonder when the conversation will come up. Throughout my 20s, I was worried about that conversation, almost ashamed.

Now, I’m realizing I shouldn’t be. Everyone’s life goes at a different speed, and this just happens to be mine. When it’s meant to be, it will be. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Kristen Clineburg is a native of York, PA, lover of travel, folk music, and all things British, and recent recipient of a Master of Arts in Urban Studies via Eastern University. She loves reading stories about; female empowerment, positive self-image, people making a difference (in their communities and the world), and finding individuals who have the power to inspire. 

[Image via CW]

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