I Want To Go To There

A poem by Liz Lemon You are my heroine! And by heroine I mean lady hero. I don’t want to inject you
and listen to jazz.

Lizzing is a combination of
laughing and whizzing.
I pretty much just do
whatever Oprah tells me to.

There ain’t no party
like a Liz Lemon party
’cause a Liz Lemon party
is mandatory!
You wanna party?
It’s $500 for kissing
and $10,000 for snuggling;
end of list.

Okay, fine, maybe I’m a little old-fashioned.
I’m sorry I’m a real woman
and not some over-sexed New York nympho
like those sluts
on Everybody Loves Raymond.

Lovers:
That word bums me out
unless it’s between the words
meat and pizza.

One of my New Year’s resolutions is
to say “yes!”
Yes to love,
Yes to life,
Yes to staying in more!
I’m 37.
Please don’t make me go to Brooklyn.

Trying on jeans
is my favorite thing!
Maybe later I can get a pap smear
from an old male doctor.
You know I can’t wear green, Jenna!
The Clinique lady says
I have witch undertones.

All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich.
I believe that all anyone
really wants in this life
is to sit in peace and
eat a sandwich.
I wolfed my Teamster sub for you!

God, three weddings in one day,
I’m going to be in Spanx for 12 hours.
My elastic line is gonna get infected again.

Shut it down.

Constructed from quotes by Liz Lemon in 30 Rock
Featured image via f**kyeahlizlemon.tumblr.com