I Think I’m In Crush With You

I am a huge sap. I know it, my friends know it and at this point, all of Twitter knows it due to my regular posting of my favorite rom-com quotes.

Dear Twitter,

I’m sorry if you don’t care that I’m watching The Wedding Planner for the 52nd time. It’s important to me that you know,

a) the fact that J.Lo appears to be pulling a Benjamin Button, because let me tell you, 2012 J.Lo looks damn good. And b) Jenny from the Block: “Someone once told me he only ate the brown ones and it kind of stuck with me.” Matthew McCon: “You kind of stuck with me, too.”  Shoot me in the face – that’s about as romantic as it gets.

Ugh, the bane of my existence is definitely the 140 character limit on Twitter. You won’t believe how many great rom-com quotes have been split into 2 separate tweets (lame) all for the sake of getting them in the Twittersphere.

Gosh, can you imagine if Shakespeare had to deal with this nonsense? “Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou, Romeo?” would quickly turn into, “Yo R, where u at?”

But back to me being a huge sap. I am. In fact, most days I feel like Will Ferrell in Elf .

Elf, Courtesy of New Line Cinema

This is the real me– I’m a pansy for love, Taylor Swift tear-your-heart-out ballads, romantic comedies that are 97% unrealistic and of course, a good old-fashioned crush. I love being in crush. I love being giddy and silly. In fact, I’m so into being in crush that I’m pretty sure I don’t actually want a boyfriend so much as I want a boy to daydream about. (This is what my single self tells my single subconscious).

But the real problem with being a sappy crush-o-holic is that I don’t know how to tone it down. If my love life was an action movie it would likely be called, In Love In 60 Seconds or The Fast and the Furious Crush or I Can’t Wait To Be Mr. & Mrs. Smith. In general, I have two speeds.

1) Terrified. 2) Desperately in crush.

That’s right, I’m either terrified to be in the presence of attractive/funny/nice males or I’m desperately in crush with them.

After some deep soul searching, I think I’ve discovered the root of my crush-o-holic ways. I stay in crush because I just cannot deal with the realities of an actual relationship.

Example: In order for you to be my boyfriend we will probably need to have a DTR (define the relationship)  talk at some point, and to be honest with you, my CNS (central nervous system – what up, Psych 101?) just cannot deal with that. If you’re telling me that I have to tell you that I like you, I just can’t. I will gladly daydream about you until the cows come home, subtly dropping digital clues of my undying love all over your Facebook wall, but when push comes to shove… Well, frankly, you can just shove me right off a cliff, because I can’t be made to tell you I like you, especially like you like you.

Example: If  we were dating, I don’t think I could tone down my desire to call you babe, sweetie, honey bunches, babe pants. Also, I don’t think I could refrain from captioning pictures of us on Facebook as “me and the boy doing _______ (insert things people do on dates).” And I just can’t have that. I refuse to turn into the girl who refers to her boyfriend as “the boy.” I REFUSE!

So what does this mean? Am I doomed to end up alone (classic rom-com beginning b t dubs, voiceover of heroine pondering if she’ll end up alone when really she’s about to end up with Channing Tatum)? The simple answer is no; rather, it means I will likely continue to be in crush until I get up the nerve to tell a boy I like him or – UNIVERSE FORBID – a boy tells me he likes me first and saves me all the anxiety.

Yes, that’ll be the day. The day a boy finally says, “Hey, I love you just as you are” (Bridget Jones reference) is the day I’m no longer a single lady.

Until then… here’s my number (555- OLIVE-YOU) so call me, maybe?

Featured image via Columbia Pictures/ Sony.